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Jewish World Review July 28, 2003 / 28 Tamuz 5763

Steve Young

Steve Young
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Consumer Reports

Buy Your Very Own Governor on eBay

Recall's On. Count Me In | My fellow Americans. I'm Steve I. Young and I'm running for the office of Governor of California. I'm asking for your support, your vote and most importantly, your contribution.

While some may look on this as purely a mercenary effort aimed at soliciting bids for some self-serving scam, someone with far more imagination, someone like YOU, won't look at the today's coal but at the dazzling diamond (and metaphor) in the our state's future that I'm attempting to create. I'm also attempting to put that diamond in a solid gold Sacramento setting...maybe with some nice matching earrings and these gorgeous shoes you have just got to see. But I digress.

My friends, we have a terrific opportunity to make a great change in this country, in this state, in my housing. And as a fellow American I want to share these great changes with YOU as YOU share your savings with me.

First things first. We're having this midterm election in California due to a bunch of really ticked off people who want to kick out the present governor, Gray Davis, because Enron and their buddies screwed the state out of beau coup dollars and the governor didn't see the scam coming. Pretty unfair if you ask me, but that's his problem. Doesn't matter what the reason is. This is America. What matters is, how much YOU want to be part of an important change. Even more important, how much you're willing to give me to get it done.

Donate to JWR

I want to represent YOU in the worst way, and I will (thankyouverymuch). Unfortunately, that's gonna cost a pretty penny. That's why I'm going on eBay to tell YOU that if YOU are the one who comes up with the most money over the $3,500 that I need pay to get on the ballot, YOU my friend, may just have the governor of the largest state, or next to the largest, or something like that, in YOUR hip pocket.

You want to hear something really cool? With all things being equal there's actually a very good chance I could win. Number one, the governor can't run if he's recalled and so far all the other Democrats have refused to put their names on the ballot. Number two, although I am a registered Democrat who also said that I wouldn't run, I'm going to. There's a good reason. I'm a natural born liar and that in itself makes me a great candidate plus I'll get all the Democratic votes. Number three, there's gonna be so many Republicans and Librarians (or whatever you call 'em) running that they'll be splitting all their votes. Since there's way more Democrats than any other religion out here on the Left Coast, BINGO, Governor Young at your service and in your pocket.

But I wouldn't want you to make this kind of investment without first letting you know a little bit about me.

I have never run for public office before, I rarely do anything that provides enough income to keep me from diving 100% into the Governor's job and I've have (technically) never been convicted of a felony. Really, other than the $3,500, what else do you need?

And what about my platform? What will I do if...when elected? Well, there are many things that I want to do for this state and the best thing is I have yet to figure out what they are. Why? Because I first want to hear the voice of the people though I can hear some voices better than others, especially YOURS. Yes, I want YOU help me make these pivotal decisions. And you can, for $3,500 or more.

I thank you. G-d bless California. G-d Bless America. And G-d bless eBay.

Steve I. Young, Candidate for Governor of California
(The "I" stands for "Integrity." I had it changed legally yesterday) Click here to bid on becoming part of my campaign.

JWR contributor Steve Young, Prism Award winner and Humanitas Prize nominee for his television writing, is contributing editor at the Writers Guild of America's "Written By" magazine. He is the author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful: Mistakes, Adversity, Failure and Other Stepping Stones to Success," "The 130 Tales of Winchell Mink," Harper Collins (Winter, 2003) and the director/writer of "My Dinner With Ovitz." His website is Comment by clicking here.

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© 2002, Steve Young