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Jewish World Review June 27, 2002 / 17 Tamuz 5762

Steve Young

Steve Young
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Consumer Reports

Apocalypse now!? | Is the world coming to an end? September 11th certainly set off all too horrifying alarms. But there seems to be a more and evangelical justification for concern.

One of the hottest-selling books of the season, hot enough to engender Time's cover, is End Times, written by Tim F. LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, based on the Book of Revelation. It's part of their series, Left Behind: A Novel of the Earth's Last Days., an account of the Apocalypse, the destruction of the world as we know it.

A Time/CNN poll reports that 36% of Americans believe that the Bible is the word of G-d and is to be taken literally and 59% believe the prophecies in the Book of Revelation will come true

The Rapture Index, a website which tracks prophecies: disasters, natural and otherwise that jostles the world's serenity so to lead to coming of the Antichrist, has solid evidence that proves we are close to the end of the world. Supposedly the index, which goes critical at 145, reach 182 on Sept. 24. We're not talking about a losing your house keys bad day, we're talking about no more days at all, good or bad.

My humble opinion - we don't need the bible, earthquakes, global warming or idiots making bombs out of themselves to prove that we're all doomed. You just have to check out US Magazine or E!. My Rapture Index runneth over.

1. Oops!...She's On The Cover Again. Britney Spears is named by Forbes Magazine as the most powerful celebrity in the world, which leads one to believe that Radio Disney has replaced Billboard as the foremost authority and indicator of musical taste. (35 points)

2. Does he really need the money? Do we really need another Waterboy? Adam Sandler is paid a gazillion dollars to portray a rags to riches billionaire in, "Mr. Deeds," a complex tale of one man's wacky confrontation with his own private hell, which certainly looks like surefire Oscars for all involved. (28 points)

3. Mr. Top Goes To Washington? Backstreet Boy, Howie Dorough and Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts provide expert testimony in front of congressional committees. Any day, look for Carrot Top to testify about his nuclear proliferation concerns.(32 points)

4. AARP Oughta Picket. Tom Hanks receives AFI's Lifetime Achievement Award at the age of 47. How did the poor old guy make it up to the stage. Next year, Freddie Prinze Jr.? (21 points)

5. They're For Real...Unfortunately. Reality TV. Fear Factor blows the top off the index's puke lid. Spy TV teaches us that scaring the hell out of friends can be a real kick (41 points)

6. There's Probably Another Good Story That Had To Be Told. There will be a Charley' Angels II (55 points)

7. Ozzie And Harriet Turning Over? The Osbournes are America's first family.(72 points)

8. The Still Single Guy. ABC's hit, The Bachelor, the show that spent 3 intimate months promising that this guy would decide which woman he would marry, ended with absolutely no one getting married. (37 points).

9. Truly Unbelievable. My agent called me. (97 points)

10. Then Again. I'm kidding about my agent calling. (-97 points)

So hurry up Rapture. Only 2 more months until the fall TV season.

JWR contributor Steve Young, Prism Award winner and Humanitas Prize nominee for his television writing, is contributing editor at the Writers Guild of America's "Written By" magazine. He is the author of the forthcoming "Great Failures Of The Extremely Successful," Tallfellow Press, 2002 Comment by clicking here.

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02/15/02: Ken Lay sells soul to the devil: Beelzebub loses life's savings
02/12/02: Enron's Skilling mistakenly takes the Fourth, forcing him to spill his guts
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01/24/02: "I'M THE ONE!"
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01/04/02: PLAY BUZKASHI!
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12/20/01: Finally! Friends of Color
12/14/01: Bin Laden's Funniest Home Videos
12/10/01: What if Catching bin Laden is in dispute?
11/30/01: Back to normal...too bad
11/16/01: Osama not enough for some
11/09/01: Networks at war!
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10/29/01: The other terrorists
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09/25/01: Dissent is walking on red, white and blue egg shells
09/21/01: OPEN LETTER THE MOST HIGH (RE: Falwell and Robertson comments)
09/17/01: Gary, we miss ya
09/10/01: Smelling out a real hero
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08/24/01: Pitch day at the Mouse
08/21/01: It Depends On What Your Definition Of "Unlimited" Is


© 2002, Steve Young