Jewish World Review Feb. 19, 2002 / 7 Adar, 5762
Greenspan Announces Lower (Television Network) Interest Rates
Latest 'Correction' Could Bring Back "Emeril" and "Ellen"
IN an effort to reduce the pressure on the major
television networks, Federal Reserve Chairman, Alan Greenspan, has
announced a decrease in the level of viewer interest required for a prime
time show to be considered a success.
"Not many people really care what kind of cr-p network television
produces anymore." said Greenspan. "So if interest can't be raised,
perhaps decreasing the need for that interest would add the spark
networks need to survive."
With the major networks facing dwindling viewership, the rates they are
able to charge advertisers have also suffered.
The editor of "TV Advertising, TV Advertising, TV Advertising Monthly,"
Thom Thinthith, said, "Soon television will be forced to charge
advertisers what their advertising is actually worth, and that could be
disastrous for the mom and pop billionaires who have their life savings
tied up in the major networks."
Prior to leaving, ABC Entertainment President Stuart Bloomberg said, "The
mistake we made was relying on the deficit viewership created by "So You
Want To Be A Millionaire." That caused such long term debt in the quality
of shows that which actually had to be written that it'll be years before
we'll get people to turn off HBO." Immediately after making the
statement, Bloomberg was summarily "stepped down'd."
The interest drop was the 35th decrease in the last 12 months.
"Personally, Andrea (Mitchell) and I loved 'Emeril' but what are you
going to do?" shrugged the enigmatic Greenspan.
JWR contributor Steve Young, Prism Award winner and Humanitas Prize nominee for his
television writing, is contributing editor at the Writers Guild of
America's "Written By" magazine. He is the author of the forthcoming "Great Failures Of
The Extremely Successful," Tallfellow Press, 2002
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© 2001, Steve Young