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Jewish World Review Jan. 14, 2002 / Rosh Chodesh Shevat, 5762

Steve Young

Steve Young
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"But He Was Such A Good Boy" gene, found to be defective -- SCIENTISTS at Stanford University looking into the "But He Was Such A Good Boy" syndrome, found in so many arch criminals and terrorists, have announced the discovery of an abnormal gene.

BHWSAGB, also known as the "But He Was An 'A' Student" gene, has long confounded scholars and neighbors of Good Boys.

Stanford Professor of Phraseological Neurology , Dr, Thomas Thinthith, who began his research in 1966 after sniper and former "A" student, Charles Whitman, killed 15 people from a University of Texas clock tower.

"Actually Whitman was only a B plus student due to an almost incomprehensible 'incomplete' in metal shop, but still falls into the distinct parameters of the defective gene's configuration," lisped Thinthith.

Our inability to grasp how recent former Good Boys like Osama bin Laden, alleged terrorist Zacarias Moussaoui and Charles Bishop, the 15 year old suicide pilot, would end up doing such contemptible deeds, has made for a renewed interest in the disorder. While to many this seems like a new concept, the affliction, originally thought to be "He's Just A Bad Sort " type of virus has been around for years. Richard Speck, Richard Nixon, Attila The Hun, all had pretty good grades.

Most researchers believe the defective gene to stem from the "Not My Boy" gene commonly found in the mothers of the affected malefactors.

"Right now were expanding our research into other syndromes that seem to have some similarities," says Thinthith. "There's quite a bit of documentation that Hitler probably suffered from "But He's Such A Good Painter" syndrome and we're just going to jump to the conclusion that Enron President Kenneth Lay has "But He Always Seem To Make Good Business Decisions" disorder syndrome.

JWR contributor Steve Young, Prism Award winner and Humanitas Prize nominee for his television writing, is contributing editor at the Writers Guild of America's "Written By" magazine. He is the author of the forthcoming "Great Failures Of The Extremely Successful," Tallfellow Press, 2002 Comment by clicking here.

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© 2001, Steve Young