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Jewish World Review Feb. 15, 2002 / 4 Adar, 5762

Steve Young

Steve Young
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Consumer Reports

Ken Lay sells soul to the devil

Beelzebub loses life's savings -- HOUSE members and spectators alike sat stunned as Mephistopheles, testified in Congressional Hearings studying the Enron scandal.

There wasn't a dry eye in the house as the King Of Netherworld shared his heartbreaking story of investing in former Enron CEO Ken Lay.

"I lost everything," cried the dispirited demon. "His soul looked like such a safe bet, or so he told me. But he lied to me. Me. I feel like such a fool."

Sen. Barbara Boxer (D. CA) was particularly annoyed. "Millions of my former constituents, especially in the movie and television area, now find themselves without proper housing in Hades."

"Where do I go now?" cried the distraught Prince Of Darkness. "How do I pay for my kid's college? After I don't know how many years of bringing souls in to hell, I don't even have one hand-basket left. At least the employees and stockholders of Enron can pray for help. What the hell am I supposed to do?!"

After Satan's tearful testimony, Ken Lay expressed "profound sadness about what has happened to my friend, Lucifer." Lay said he was invoking the 5th Amendment reluctantly. I am deeply troubled about asserting these rights, especially in letting down my devilish colleague." That's when microphones picked up Lay's giggling aside to his attorney. "That'll teach anyone to mess with Kenny Boy."

Sen. Peter Fitzgerald (R-Ill.) lectured Lay. "I'd say you were a carnival barker, except that wouldn't be fair to carnival barkers. A carny will at least tell you up front that he's running a shell game."

Bif Whazoo, head of the Union Of Carnies and Other Assorted Hustlers, issued an immediate thank you.

"This is the first time we proprietors of game and chance have ever got a fair shake on the Hill. It was a nice thing to say. Now, which shell has the nut under it?" added Whazoo.

JWR contributor Steve Young, Prism Award winner and Humanitas Prize nominee for his television writing, is contributing editor at the Writers Guild of America's "Written By" magazine. He is the author of the forthcoming "Great Failures Of The Extremely Successful," Tallfellow Press, 2002 Comment by clicking here.

02/12/02: Enron's Skilling mistakenly takes the Fourth, forcing him to spill his guts
02/06/02: BOOSTING THE SAGGING ECONOMY: Let Green Stamps be our financial brassiere
01/24/02: "I'M THE ONE!"
01/16/02: Goodbye "Rincoln Continental," we hardry knew ye
01/14/02: "But He Was Such A Good Boy" gene, found to be defective
01/04/02: PLAY BUZKASHI!
12/31/01: Come on war. You can do better!
12/26/01: NOT MY OSAMA!
12/24/01: TIME caves
12/20/01: Finally! Friends of Color
12/14/01: Bin Laden's Funniest Home Videos
12/10/01: What if Catching bin Laden is in dispute?
11/30/01: Back to normal...too bad
11/16/01: Osama not enough for some
11/09/01: Networks at war!
11/05/01: Bridges Over Troubled Water
10/29/01: The other terrorists
10/16/01: Diary Of A Young Defense Department Comedy Writer
10/01/01: Playlands, burgers, and family sanity
09/25/01: Dissent is walking on red, white and blue egg shells
09/21/01: OPEN LETTER THE MOST HIGH (RE: Falwell and Robertson comments)
09/17/01: Gary, we miss ya
09/10/01: Smelling out a real hero
09/04/01: Don't give up on that dream!
08/24/01: Pitch day at the Mouse
08/21/01: It Depends On What Your Definition Of "Unlimited" Is


© 2001, Steve Young