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Jewish World Review August 30, 2002 / 22 Elul 5762

Steve Young

Steve Young
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Consumer Reports

N'Sync's Bass gets NASA okay

Former astronauts Gagarin and Glenn form boy band | With the announcement from NASA that it has endorsed N'Sync's Lance Bass to make a space flight to the international space station this fall, Russian astronaut and first man in space, Yuri Gagarin and former U.S. astronaut John Glenn, have received the approval from MTV to form the first ever over-70- year-old boy's band.

Russia's first non-dog in space, Gagarin said, "This is something John and I have always wanted to do. This wasn't a bitter backlash as much as a wake-up call. If Lance can go into space, then we certainly can wail some plaintive prepubescent American love songs."

Ex-Ohio senator Glenn backed up the late Gagarin. "Ever since we ran into each other at the premiere of 'The Right Stuff' we've talked about getting some of the old boys together to perform stilted American dance routines and formula computer-composed, Radio Disney music."

First American to walk on the moon, Neal Armstrong, who will join the group that for the time being will be known "N' Thritis," isn't all that worried about the seeming arduous training process that the ex-fly boys will have to go through. "Getting in condition for a boy's band isn't all that different from training to go to the moon, though I was a little shaky working with the folding chair number. "

First man to break the sound barrier, 79 year old Chuck Yeager, was turned down for the band by MTV with the music network's suckling VP, Ricky Yorn, offering an explanation. "I've always been a Yeager fan, but Chuck just doesn't pop anymore. He more sort of creaks. It presents too much of a sound problem for our audio engineers."

Yeager thinks it's just a fabrication. "It's all bull. For petesaakes, they brought in (Alan) Shepard and he's been dead for over four years."

Added Armstrong, "This is one small, obviously choreographed, step for man. One giant embarrassment for mankind."

JWR contributor Steve Young, Prism Award winner and Humanitas Prize nominee for his television writing, is contributing editor at the Writers Guild of America's "Written By" magazine. He is the author of the forthcoming "Great Failures Of The Extremely Successful," Tallfellow Press, 2002. His website is Comment by clicking here.

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© 2002, Steve Young