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Jewish World Review August 1, 2003 / 3 Menachem-Av, 5763

Art Buchwald

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Consumer Reports


House for sale


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Despite the flat economy, the real estate market is still booming. This is because the divorce rate is at an all-time high.

Eleanor Wildedon, a partner in the real estate company of Homes by the Sea, said, "It is not generally known, but my biggest source of properties for sale comes from couples who are breaking up."

"I'll be darned," I said.

Eleanor showed me a photograph of a beautiful Cape Cod house.

"This is a real bargain. It's owned by a couple who are having a bitter divorce battle. If you buy it, you can move in tomorrow. The only thing you would have to do is repair the hole in the wall so the rain won't leak in."

"Why does it have a hole in the wall?"

"The wife got furious at the husband one day and threw everything in the living room at him."

She showed me another property she had for sale. "This home is within walking distance of the lighthouse. It came on the market after a wife caught her husband in bed with a waitress from the Bull & Bear Bar and Grill. The wife said she never wanted to set foot in the house again and the husband, for safety, moved to Key West, Fla."

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"Is it expensive?"

"I'm asking one million five because it has a good story to go with it. I can always get more money if the house has history."

I looked at the photographs of houses she had displayed on her bulletin board.

"That's a beauty."

"It was owned by a couple who were very, very rich."

"Why do they want to sell it?"

"He's in jail for defrauding his company out of $10 million."

Eleanor told me, "That ranch house over there is owned by the bank who foreclosed on it when neither wife or the husband paid the mortgage. The wife said she refused to pay her share of the house for July when she knew the cheating husband would bring his Barbie Doll girlfriend in August for his share. The husband said he could no longer pay the mortgage plus the alimony his wife was asking for."

"How do you get your leads?"

"As soon as I read that a couple is breaking up, I call them and ask if they're going to sell their home. Nine out of ten times, they're so mad they say, 'Put it on the market.' That is why the price of homes keeps rising."

"Who are the new buyers?"

"People on their second or third marriages. They tend to believe if they buy a house the marriage will last forever."

"What happens if it doesn't?"

"Then I get to sell the house again."

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Art Buchwald's latest book is "We'll Laugh again." To commnt on his column click here.

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03/05/02: Not telling the truth
03/01/02: Book flogging
02/27/02: The players are mad

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