Jewish World Review July 25, 2002 / 16 Menachem-Av, 5762
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | You don't have to own a house to go on vacation. You can rent one, as many people do. It can make for an odd relationship.
Landlord: Here are the keys for the month of August. I know you'll be happy. (I should have charged him a lot more than $3,000. He got a steal.)
Renter: Thanks so much. I look forward to living here. (It's a shack, and not even worth $500 a week.)
Landlord: The washing machine is in the basement. (When it works.)
Renter: My wife wanted to know where the linen closet is. (He probably left us two towels and two washcloths.)
Landlord: Enjoy the garden. (I won't tell him it's full of poison ivy.) Renter: I like the hammock in the backyard. (The ropes are so worn I don't dare get into it.)
Landlord: The garbage disposal is great. (When it's working and doesn't clog up.)
Renter: How are the neighbors?
Landlord: The salt of the earth. (There is no sense telling him that the guy next door has kids who party all night, and he cuts his lawn at 7 o'clock in the morning.)
Renter: Charlie, our dog, likes to sleep in our bed.
Landlord: That's nice. (He didn't tell me he had a dog. I wouldn't have rented him the place.)
Renter: It's nice that the house is a "walk to the beach." (If you like a five-mile walk.)
Landlord: The cleaning woman's name is Rosita and she comes once a week to change the sheets. She'll do anything you ask her to. (She's afraid not to, because she's an illegal alien.)
Renter: Why do those cement trucks keep driving past the house?
Landlord: Don't pay any attention to them. (The guy next door is building a new house and the trucks have right of way on our property.)
Renter: Which one is the guestroom?
Landlord: The one with no curtains. We ordered them a month ago, but you know how those people are. (What does he want for $3,000, the Ritz Carlton?)
Renter: How do you work the outside shower?
Landlord: You don't. Because of the drought, the town has banned it. (I'm not going to tell him the inside shower doesn't work either.)
Renter: Well, that about does it. It's going to be a summer we will never forget.
Landlord: We hope so. May I have the $1,000 check for breakage? (He'll never get his deposit back.)
Renter: Here you are. (I'll never get my deposit back.)
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07/23/02: Doin' time