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Jewish World Review Jan. 17, 2003 / 14 Shevat, 5763
Art Buchwald
Foreign Affairs for Dummies
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | There is so much going on in the world that every time I get lost I refer to my book, Foreign Affairs for Dummies.
Here is what it says: QUESTION: If a smoking gun can't be found in Iraq, where can you find one? ANSWER: In North Korea. They announced they have a smoking gun and are proud of it. Q: If they can't find one in Iraq, why should we unilaterally go there? A: Because our troops are there. They are prepared to fight in Iraq, but they are not prepared to fight in North Korea. The Bush Administration has been ready to fight in Baghdad for over a year, and if we don't topple Saddam Hussein now the U.S. will have egg on its face. Q: How much money will it cost us to go into Iraq and find a smoking gun? A: Probably $200 billion. Q: So, if we don't go into North Korea we will save $200 billion? A: That's correct. That way the president can afford to give us another tax cut. Q: How do our allies feel about this? A: Most of them are for us, but don't want American troops on their soil if we go to war. Q: Is it true when the president says that oil is not part of the equation in our foreign policy? A: Of course it is. When you're acting diplomatically, you can't let petroleum get in the way of liberating a dictatorship. Q: Is North Korea a dictatorship? A: Probably, but we can't do anything about it because it's too close to China, and we don't want the Chinese to get mad at us, because they are our best trading partners. Q: A lot of countries have a smoking gun now-Pakistan, India, China, North Korea, Israel, France and Great Britain, to name a few. How many countries are we going to attack after we wipe out Iraq? A: We're not necessarily going to attack them. In a lot of cases, we'll just bomb their smoking gun factories. Q: Can we send UN inspectors into the countries that are suspect? A: You can't send them into France and Great Britain because you would be violating their sovereignty. Q: How long will it take to eliminate Saddam from power? A: Anywhere from two weeks to two years. Q: And how long will it take for a democratic regime to take his place? A: Anywhere from two weeks to two years. Q: Am I going crazy? A: It's very possible. Like this writer's work? Why not sign-up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
01/15/03: No-news stories
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