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Jewish World Review Oct. 11, 2002 / 4 Mar-Cheshvan, 5763
Art Buchwald
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Behind every indicted CEO there is a woman. What has her life been like after her husband bled their company dry? The wife of Sigmund Flattery, CEO of the Hidden Valley Gas and Energy Co., has had to change her lifestyle. I found Ida Flattery sitting on a park bench in the town square, feeding pigeons. She wanted to talk to somebody. "I owned this town. Because I was the wife of the CEO, they were afraid of me. I was the first one listed in the Hidden Valley Green Book. I lived on the top of the hill and it was an honor to be invited to one of my parties." "You are talking in the past tense," I said. "I first thought something was amiss when I got a call from Kay Kendall. I was informed I was no longer 'Woman of the Year' at her big fund-raiser in November." I said, "That must have been a body blow." Ida admitted, "It was a punch in the stomach because I had bought two tables for $50,000 and I was going to fly in my relatives from all over the country." "What did Kay say?" "She said the committee decided they didn't want a 'Woman of the Year' whose husband looted $2 billion from the company's pension fund." I said, "Picky, picky, picky." Ida threw another peanut at a pigeon. 'You know, I was also kicked out of the Hidden Valley Garden Club. They said they didn't want a president who raises orchids with stolen money." I said, "They were pulling out all the stops." "I was also chairlady of the Opera Ball. They took away our box and gave us standing room only tickets on the second balcony." "That would make me suspicious." "I had the Hidden Valley animal shelter named after me. One day I walked by and they had taken my name off it. I asked a member of the Junior League why and she said her husband had lost his job, his house, his membership in the Kiwanis, and his position as coach of the little league baseball team." "I'm sorry," I said. "People have no sense of humor when someone bilks them out of their life savings." Ida said, "The worst thing that happened is that they took my charge card at the Hidden Valley Neiman Marcus. They said I might be charging clothes with stolen money. They told me they would only take cash." "Isn't there some way you and Sigmund can make it up to the citizens of the town?" "I don't think so because I'm getting a divorce." "Why?" I asked. "Because Sigmund stole all my house money." Like this writer's work? Why not sign-up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
10/04/02: Will the real Saddam stand up?
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