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Jewish World Review July 29, 2003 / 29 Tamuz, 5763
Art Buchwald
Goodbye, my friends
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Dear Saddam, Long time no see. I am writing to tell you how sorry I am over the untimely accidental death of your two sons, Udai and Qusai. I know how close they were to you and how close you were to them. Despite of all you had to do you always you always had time to spend with them. Both sons wanted your approval and were jealous of each other. Udai used to say, "Dad loves you more than he loves me. And Qusai would reply, "That's because I killed more people than you did." I know you didn't want to get into the middle of it. Each son did what he knew best. Qusai specialized in eliminating Kurds, and Udai preferred to torture the Iraq Olympic team. I remember them as little boys. They were both mischievous. They used to kill dogs and cats and occasionally a playmate at school. Despite being brothers, they fought a lot. Udai used to visit prisons with you and Qusai used to run over pedestrians in his car. The one time you really got mad at Udai is when he buried your favorite bodyguard in the sand and poured honey all over his head. Saddam, you asked him why he did it and he said, "Because he ticked me off." Both boys discovered girls when they were young . Udai was famous for his wild parties at one the palaces that you gave him for his 13th birthday. Qusai preferred to date one girl at a time. He was very much in demand because there was six Jaguars, four Bentleys and a Porsche convertible in his garage. I hope this letter does not make you sad. All we have is memories of our loved ones. President Kennedy said "Life is unfair." Bush did not say that, but I'm sure, when heard the news, he thought it. I know you are not happy that the U.S.Army preferred to have your sons dead, rather than alive. You have every right to be. There were hundreds of soldiers outside their house and not one read them their rights. Saddam, I know you are having a tough summer. But as time goes the pain will heal. You must be getting thousands of sympathy cards and e-mails. You may not even read this one. But I had to write it. I know that when someone dies, he will be greeted by 17 virgins. Despite the number of virgins the Hussein boys deflowered on earth, I am sure the two will demand their share when Allah meets them in heaven.
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07/18/03: THE BIG REWARD
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