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Jewish World Review July 29, 2003 / 29 Tamuz, 5763

Art Buchwald

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Goodbye, my friends


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Dear Saddam,

Long time no see. I am writing to tell you how sorry I am over the untimely accidental death of your two sons, Udai and Qusai.

I know how close they were to you and how close you were to them. Despite of all you had to do you always you always had time to spend with them.

Both sons wanted your approval and were jealous of each other.

Udai used to say, "Dad loves you more than he loves me. And Qusai would reply, "That's because I killed more people than you did."

I know you didn't want to get into the middle of it. Each son did what he knew best. Qusai specialized in eliminating Kurds, and Udai preferred to torture the Iraq Olympic team.

I remember them as little boys. They were both mischievous. They used to kill dogs and cats and occasionally a playmate at school.

Despite being brothers, they fought a lot.

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Udai used to visit prisons with you and Qusai used to run over pedestrians in his car.

The one time you really got mad at Udai is when he buried your favorite bodyguard in the sand and poured honey all over his head.

Saddam, you asked him why he did it and he said, "Because he ticked me off."

Both boys discovered girls when they were young . Udai was famous for his wild parties at one the palaces that you gave him for his 13th birthday.

Qusai preferred to date one girl at a time. He was very much in demand because there was six Jaguars, four Bentleys and a Porsche convertible in his garage.

I hope this letter does not make you sad. All we have is memories of our loved ones.

President Kennedy said "Life is unfair."

Bush did not say that, but I'm sure, when heard the news, he thought it.

I know you are not happy that the U.S.Army preferred to have your sons dead, rather than alive. You have every right to be. There were hundreds of soldiers outside their house and not one read them their rights.

Saddam, I know you are having a tough summer. But as time goes the pain will heal.

You must be getting thousands of sympathy cards and e-mails. You may not even read this one. But I had to write it.

I know that when someone dies, he will be greeted by 17 virgins. Despite the number of virgins the Hussein boys deflowered on earth, I am sure the two will demand their share when Allah meets them in heaven.

You have my condolences,
Art

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Art Buchwald's latest book is "We'll Laugh again." To commnt on his column click here.

07/18/03: THE BIG REWARD
07/03/03: Fund-raising dinners
06/26/03: Private Lynch as public Lynch
06/17/03: First Ladies books
06/13/03: Father image
06/10/03: STOP THE PRESSES!
06/05/03: OUT of GAS
06/03/03: Liars can make money
05/30/03: Spam the Greatest Generation
05/28/03: The Democratic solution
05/09/03: Suits on television
04/30/03: Americo-Shaft Airlines
04/22/03: More time with the kids
04/03/03: Rebuilding Baghdad
03/25/03: The Five Saddam Husseins
03/04/03: Tax free defense
02/27/03: Yelling at the TV
02/20/03: The fight for duct tape
02/14/03: Losing your identity
02/05/03: Whose reality is it?
01/17/03: Foreign Affairs for Dummies
01/15/03: No-news stories
01/13/03: The last pill
01/08/03: Come fly with me
12/20/02: Snooping for America
12/13/02: Give 'til it hurts
12/06/02: Pre-nursery is rough
11/20/02: The Princess and the butler
11/15/02: Preaching democracy
11/04/02: The blame game
10/30/02: The threat of golf
10/11/02: The wives of Hidden Valley
10/04/02: Will the real Saddam stand up?
10/01/02: To shred or not to shred
09/20/02: Plea-bargaining crime
09/17/02: Jack and Jane
09/12/02: Signing books is half the fun
09/10/02: To lose one's center
09/05/02: Moot court
08/29/02: I spy-you-spy
08/27/02: No smoking --- I love you
08/23/02: Ashes to ashes
08/14/02: Wall Street good news
08/09/02: Things in my attic
08/01/02: Damage control
08/01/02: Another icon
07/30/02: Draft all the lawyers
07/25/02: House for rent
07/23/02: Doin' time
07/19/02: The loophole game
07/16/02: Money as a game
07/11/02: Just desserts
07/02/02: So you want to win?
06/19/02: Homeland security parking
06/13/02: The Accused
06/11/02: Don't let them know
06/06/02: The FBI changes its ways
06/04/02: RED ALERT
05/28/02: Malice On Purpose: I'm scared!
05/23/02: Barbie Doll
05/21/02: Why Bermuda?
05/19/02: White collar prisons
05/15/02: Those in depression
05/09/02: Mother's Day in the market
05/07/02: Salary negotiations
04/26/02: Homeland security
04/24/02: The greatest breakthrough
04/18/02: Conflict of Interest
04/15/02: The Sign That Couldn't
04/11/02: It's Cherry Blossom Time
04/08/02: The Young Audience
03/31/02: Safe Deposit for Sale
03/26/02: Au Revoir to Soft Money
03/21/02: Andersen Defense Fund?
03/19/02: Celebrity kickers
03/15/02: A Mickey Mouse solution
03/13/02: Shadow government in the sandbox
03/07/02: The Way It Is
03/05/02: Not telling the truth
03/01/02: Book flogging
02/27/02: The players are mad

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