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Jewish World Review Oct. 17, 2003 / 21 Tishrei, 5764

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

IN major setback, Kucinich receives endorsement from Chicago Cubs

Other candidates gleeful | One day after losing baseball's National League Championship Series to the Florida Marlins, the Chicago Cubs endorsed Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH) for President in what was widely seen as a major setback to the lawmaker's fledgling presidential bid.

The Cubs had earlier endorsed Florida Senator Bob Graham's run for the Democratic nomination, but when Sen. Graham dropped out of the race last week they decided to give the nod to Mr. Kucinich instead.

While other major candidates refused to go on record about the Cubs' anointment of Mr. Kucinich, privately several of them were either relieved or in some cases gleeful that they were not endorsed by the ill-fated team.

In Chicago, Democratic mayors have long played the role of kingmaker in Presidential politics, but the Cubs' long record of endorsing candidates has been far less heralded, and considerably spottier.

In the past forty years, the Cubs have given their seal of approval to such Democratic standard bearers as George McGovern, Walter Mondale, Michael Dukakis and Al Gore.

They broke with their longstanding tradition of backing Democrats in 1992, when they backed the ill-fated reelection bid of President George Bush.

Given the history of the Cubs political "curse," few in the current White House were surprised when President George W. Bush decided, several weeks ago, to stop taking any incoming phone calls from Chicago altogether.

"The President is determined to keep the Cubs away, just like he did with Rumsfeld," one aide said.

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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author of the just released "Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison and "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" , "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.


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02/04/02: Tyson to fight himself in Japan

© 2003, Andy Borowitz