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Jewish World Review April 5, 2002 / 24 Nisan, 5762

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

Halle Berry still sobbing uncontrollably



Week-long Post-Oscar Crying Jag Points to New Record

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | More than a week after her tearful performance at the Academy Awards, actress Halle Berry is still crying around-the-clock, according to friends of the glamorous "Monster's Ball" star.

Millions of Americans who watched last week's Oscarcast were moved by the spectacle of Berry sobbing convulsively through an acceptance speech that often seemed to tread the delicate line between emotionalism and a psychotic break.

But few suspected that a full week later the acclaimed actress would still be bawling her head off, unable to perform the simplest chores without sobbing uncontrollably.

Friends of the lachrymose entertainer expressed concern that Berry's crying jag shows no signs of letting up and may in fact be getting more severe with time.

"Just yesterday, she'd scaled back to sniffling and gulping for air, which I thought was a good sign," said one of Berry's friends. "But then I asked her to pass the remote, and she lost it all over again."

"It doesn't take much to set her off these days," the friend observed.

Berry's crying jag is also a cause for concern among those who manage her career, since her seeming inability to compose herself may limit the variety of film roles available to her in the years ahead.

"Right now we're looking at roles that would involve Halle mourning, being very disappointed, or having something real heavy fall on her foot," one of Berry's agents said. "But there's not a lot out there."

As interminable as Berry's crying jag may seem, it is still not the longest in Oscar history.

That distinction belongs to actor Tom Hanks, who cried for eleven weeks straight after being named Best Actor for "Forrest Gump" in 1995.



JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.

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© 2002, Andy Borowitz