Jewish World Review March 15, 2002 / 2 Nisan, 5762
Andy Borowitz
ROSIE: I'M A POLAR BEAR
Reveals Arctic Mammal Status in Diane Sawyer Chat
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
In a televised interview last night with ABC's Diane Sawyer, comedienne Rosie
O'Donnell unwrapped a new surprise for fans and viewers: she's a polar bear.
"I've always known I was a polar bear," O'Donnell told Sawyer. "I knew it from
childhood, when I longed to live in the icy tundra and pluck succulent salmon from a
stream."
O'Donnell, a popular talk show host who can now add arctic mammal to her
resume, told Sawyer that she quit her highly-rated daytime program because she
needed time "to hibernate."
"I just want to take a break and let my lush white coat grow in," O'Donnell said.
Broadcast business insiders said today that it was unclear what effect if any the
revelations about O'Donnell being a polar bear would have on her career as a
television performer.
But industry experts agreed that it was unusual for a TV star of O'Donnell's stature to
reveal that she was an arctic creature, particularly of the ursine variety.
"Other than ['Medical Center' star] Chad Everett, who admitted several years ago to
being an Alaskan sea lion, I can't think of another major TV performer to do this,"
said one industry pro.
O'Donnell's fans appeared to take the latest news in stride, however.
"I'm not all that surprised, to tell you the truth," said Marla Cannell, 27, of Newark,
New Jersey. "I guess I always assumed she was a polar
bear."
JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2002, Andy Borowitz
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