Clicking on banner ads enables JWR to constantly improve
Jewish World Review March 15, 2002 / 2 Nisan, 5762

Andy Borowitz

Michael Barone
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
MUGGER
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

ROSIE: I'M A POLAR BEAR



Reveals Arctic Mammal Status in Diane Sawyer Chat

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | In a televised interview last night with ABC's Diane Sawyer, comedienne Rosie O'Donnell unwrapped a new surprise for fans and viewers: she's a polar bear.

"I've always known I was a polar bear," O'Donnell told Sawyer. "I knew it from childhood, when I longed to live in the icy tundra and pluck succulent salmon from a stream."

O'Donnell, a popular talk show host who can now add arctic mammal to her resume, told Sawyer that she quit her highly-rated daytime program because she needed time "to hibernate."

"I just want to take a break and let my lush white coat grow in," O'Donnell said.

Broadcast business insiders said today that it was unclear what effect if any the revelations about O'Donnell being a polar bear would have on her career as a television performer.

But industry experts agreed that it was unusual for a TV star of O'Donnell's stature to reveal that she was an arctic creature, particularly of the ursine variety.

"Other than ['Medical Center' star] Chad Everett, who admitted several years ago to being an Alaskan sea lion, I can't think of another major TV performer to do this," said one industry pro.

O'Donnell's fans appeared to take the latest news in stride, however.

"I'm not all that surprised, to tell you the truth," said Marla Cannell, 27, of Newark, New Jersey. "I guess I always assumed she was a polar bear."



JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.

Up

03/13/02: Gore loses bid to run 'shadow government'
03/11/02: Condit blows job interview with Blockbuster Video
03/08/02: Comedians demand Condit recount
03/07/02: Jennings out, J-Lo in at ABC News
03/06/02: Dennis Miller takes obscure, hard-to-understand parting shot at ABC
03/05/02: Pentagon, shutting down lying office, will shift lie-telling duties to other government agencies
03/04/02: Britney Spears is not a girl
02/28/02: Katie Couric demands that 'Today' start at noon
02/26/02: Paper that Enron stock is printed on is worthless, too, paper experts say
02/21/02: Kenneth Lay to head Pentagon's global lying effort
02/20/02: Johnny Cochran: 'Walker was framed!'
02/14/02: 'Friends' cast 900 times more talented than Sir Laurence Olivier, experts say
02/13/02: Athlete without compelling personal drama expelled from Olympics
02/11/02: In major gaffe, Mrs. Kenneth Lay appears on MTV's "Cribs"
02/07/02: CIA using Mariah Carey film in Al Qaeda interrogations
02/04/02: Tyson to fight himself in Japan
02/01/02: NFL PLANS TO FIRE MARIAH CAREY DURING NATIONAL ANTHEM
01/30/02: CLINTON DELIVERS FIRST 'STATE OF CHAPPAQUA' ADDRESS
01/21/02: OSAMA GIVES GERALDO THE SLIP
01/17/02: QUEEN ELIZABETH CAUGHT SMOKING POT
01/15/02: ENRON MAY NOT BE BIGGEST CROOKS IN HISTORY, EXPERT SAYS
01/11/02: U.S. ATTEMPTS TO LURE OSAMA WITH AD IN PERSONALS

© 2002, Andy Borowitz