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Jewish World Review Feb. 20, 2002 / 8 Adar, 5762
Andy Borowitz
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com --
It's been the worst of times for American Taliban Johnny Walker -- but it's about to become the best of times, if his new defense lawyer, Johnnie Cochran of O.J. Simpson fame, has anything to say about it. And he does. "The tape of Walker confessing was faked by the CIA," Cochran told reporters, giving a preview of the defense he is preparing for Walker. "If the tape's a fake, throw it in the lake." Cochran claims that Walker was not fighting on the same side as the Taliban, but that the American was drugged and then shipped to Afghanistan by former LAPD detective Mark Fuhrman. Once in Afghanistan, Fuhrman, working in concert with Colombian drug lords and former Playboy model Faye Reznick, glued a fake beard on Walker in order to complete the frame-job. "If that's not a real beard, then something's pretty weird," Cochran said. For his part, Cochran remains convinced of one thing: the innocence of his client. "If Walker's not a traitor, don't throw him in a crater," Cochran said. Reporters were puzzled by just exactly what Mr. Cochran meant by that statement.
"I have no idea," Cochran chuckled. "I just thought it sounded kind of
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