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Jewish World Review Dec. 19, 2002 / 14 Teves, 5763

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

North Korea urges farmers to grow missiles


More weapons needed to feed hungry nation, Pyongyang says

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | As part of a sweeping reform of its national agricultural policy, the government of North Korea today announced that it would offer farmers major new incentives to grow missiles and other deadly weapons.

"Our nation is facing the dire possibility of starvation," an official government statement read. "The only way to solve this problem is by producing more missiles."

Agricultural experts around the world were stunned by North Korea's decision to solve its hunger problem by urging farmers to grow missiles, shells, and rocket launchers, with many observers saying that they had expected other crops, such as rice or soy beans, to top the government's wish list.

But to the average North Korean, the decision to produce more missiles may be too little, too late, with winter approaching and most cupboards bare of missiles or even smaller weapons like hand grenades or pistols.

In downtown Pyongyang, a line snaked around the block as customers waited for hours for the chance to buy a missile or even a missile part for their families.

But even as they waited, the missile store soon closed its doors, putting up a sign familiar to the downcast North Koreans: No Missiles For Sale Today.

Dr. Kenneth Beller, an expert in North Korea who has been studying the workings of its government and society for the last twenty years, says that the government's decision to urge farmers to grow missiles to solve its hunger problem is not as surprising as it might first appear.

"The more we learn about North Korea, the more we realize just how creepy a place it is," Dr. Beller says.

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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.

Up

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© 2002, Andy Borowitz