Jewish World Review Nov. 15, 2002 / 10 Kislev, 5763
FBI and CIA agree to share the letter 'I'
Congressional critics call agreement 'disappointing'
In what the directors of the two agencies called "an historic act of cooperation," the
FBI and the CIA agreed today to share the letter "I," effective immediately.
"In the interest of homeland security, the FBI and the CIA are fully prepared to share
this extremely important vowel," said FBI director William Mueller, who made the
announcement with George Tenet, Director of the CIA.
Under the agreement, which is subject to Congressional approval, the FBI would
have use of the letter "I" the first and third week of every month, while the CIA would
have it the second and fourth week.
During the weeks when the CIA had the "I", the FBI would be known as the FB, and
during the remaining weeks the CIA would become the CA, Tenet and Mueller
But even as the FBI and CIA chiefs were celebrating their historic letter-sharing
agreement, the plan was being raked over the coals on Capitol Hill, with lawmakers
worrying that the plan to share one letter, albeit a prominent one, did not go nearly
"Given that this agreement doesn't call for intelligence sharing of any kind, I'm
frankly concerned that sharing a vowel may be little more than symbolic," said
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.
But the CIA's Tenet sharply disagreed.
"Intelligence-sharing is great on paper, but at these two agencies, there's not
enough intelligence to go around," Director Tenet said.
In a related story, Homeland Security chief Tom Ridge said today that the creation a
new cabinet-level Department of Homeland Security would mean that he would
finally be able to order stationery and business cards.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2002, Andy Borowitz