How are you at handling rejection?

"You can't always get what you want…"

The words of the Rolling Stones often echo in my mind as I ponder the countless rejections we humans face over the course of our lives.

(The words of the Rolling Stones also often echo in my mind as I ponder the many senior moments we face over the course of our lives. "Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name…")

I nearly died before I took my first breath, but Dr. K.J. Phelps went the extra mile for me in the delivery room. So I've always had a "thing" about people getting a fighting chance in life.

(Oops. The first rule of Getting A Fighting Chance in Life Club is: you do not talk about Getting a Fighting Chance in Life Club.)

Life brings rejections for romantic relationships, rejections for raises and promotions and offices that aren't shared with mop buckets and toilet paper, rejections for new ideas, rejections for awards and a million other potentially soul-crushing put-downs. Sometimes, in retrospect, the rejections are perfectly understandable. Other times, they're just shortsighted, insensitive or cruel.

Let's face it: some of us have been turned down more often than a threadbare sheet in a sleazy motel.

Some folks react with humiliation, anger or resignation. The eternal optimists channel ABBA. ("If you change your mind, I'm in the first in line. Honey, I'm still free. Take a chance on me.”") They carry on with the hope that springs eternal within the human breast. Which is admittedly ironic, if they get rejected for the heart transplant list.

Sometimes you just have to pick yourself up off the ground and dust yourself off…although, you could have vacuumed yourself off if you hadn't been so quick to reject the vacuum cleaner salesman's pitch, Mr. Hypocrite.

(Yes, I try not to be a hypocrite. I have a soft spot for worthy charities and abandoned pets. I reject them only if they have something bad to say about ABBA. Clawing the furniture is one thing; dissing "Dancing Queen" is a whole different matter, Fluffy.)

Speaking for myself, I assuredly do not have permanent seating at the Cool Kids Table. I faced many roadblocks and reversals on the way to being a nationally syndicated columnist. I still wish all those boilerplate "Your work does not meet our present needs" rejection letters hadn't arrived already laminated.

I know this sounds like science fiction to natural-born jocks, but some of us had to dread being picked last for sports teams. I was always grateful that I was born after the introduction of the polio vaccine, so I didn't have to be chosen after "The Kid in the Iron Lung."

I got dumped a few times on the way to being happily married, but it still stings when I have to present my driver's license to a clerk or police officer and they attempt to "swipe left" on the photo.

I'm no fan of junk mail, but it's embarrassing when the envelope is addressed to "Current resident…hey, not so fast, buddy."

In conclusion, if you're seeking approval, be politely persistent. If you're in a position of power, be kind. Give someone the benefit of the doubt a little more often.

There! You CAN get what you want: the end of this column! You can relax another week without the drivel of…of…hope you guess my name.

Controversial author Harlan Ellison once described the work of Mr. Tyree as "wonkily extrapolative" and said his mind "works like a demented cuckoo clock." Tyree generated a particular buzz on the Internet with his column spoofing real-life Christian nudist camps. A lifelong small-town southerner, he graduated from Middle Tennessee State University in 1982 with a bachelor's degree in Mass Communications.

(COMMENT, BELOW)

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