Do you talk with your hands?

It all started with an incident in Mrs. Jones's high school English class. Classmate Tracy Holder was unconsciously performing multiple animated hand gestures as he delivered an emphatic observation. Unnoticed, I smugly imitated his gesticulations.

(That was not my finest hour. The late Tracy was a cool guy, and I would definitely not give my immature younger self an "o-tay" signal for such tomfoolery.)

By the time I was producing an exaggerated version of a basketball referee's "traveling" signal, Tracy caught on and shot me a death glare.

It didn't dawn on me for a long time, but some combination of college Speech & Theater courses, years of teaching Bible class, life's inevitable ironic twists and turns and the Curse of Tracy turned ME into one of those "hand talker" people.

Certain nationalities and ethnic groups (such as Italian-Americans) are stereotyped as relying on body language to enhance the spoken word, but I assure you that the trait can befall people of any ancestry. Yes, my "air bagpipes" are just as efficient as "air violin" for mocking a tale of woe — although I do shudder at the thought of a cooked sheep's stomach being thrown at me in retribution.

I shouldn't complain about the unanticipated evolution of my speaking skills. Research shows that people who communicate through active gesturing (including classics such as "the forehead smack," "the pinch of salt" and "rip off the Band-Aid") tend to be evaluated as warm, agreeable and energetic.

(Research also shows that if you give researchers enough funding, they will likewise declare that people surrounded by a chalk outline also tend to be evaluated as warm, agreeable and energetic. But I digress.)

Speakers who enhance their message with appropriate hand gestures are regarded as leaders. Even if you expand into wretched excess of gestures, you're still regarded as a leader. ("Dude, we trust you to go first to jump off the bridge, cross the minefield and ask the boss for a 50-percent raise. We've got your back. And, no, I'm not making that busting-my-guts-with-laughter gesture behind your back.")

"Hand talking" was much less expensive back in the Good Old Days. Young people should honor hand gestures as the forerunner of emojis; but they're so hooked on technology, it's traumatizing for them to illustrate the traditional "one that got away" fish story. ("It was this long…I mean, it was this long…I'm gonna have to buy a cellphone for each hand in order to describe that freakin' trout!")

A study analyzing TED Talks found that the most popular, viral speakers used nearly twice as many gestures as the least popular speakers utilized. I must admit that I now find my patience severely tried by lecturers, experts and casual acquaintances whose body language is so reserved, prim and unadventurous. C'mon, at least pantomime removing the stick that is so firmly wedged in…well, never mind.

Public speakers realize that success has its drawbacks, if dramatic emphasis gives way to clueless flailing. ("More deals closed than anyone else in the state. More awards won than anyone else in the region. More eyes poked than the entire Moe Howard Fan Club…")

I'm just getting started, but I can tell by the music my editor is cranking up. He thinks I've exhausted the subject.

"You and that hand jive have got to go."

(COMMENT, BELOW)

Controversial author Harlan Ellison once described the work of Mr. Tyree as "wonkily extrapolative" and said his mind "works like a demented cuckoo clock." Tyree generated a particular buzz on the Internet with his column spoofing real-life Christian nudist camps. A lifelong small-town southerner, he graduated from Middle Tennessee State University in 1982 with a bachelor's degree in Mass Communications.

Previously:
• Are you and your blood pressure best buddies?
• Are you hopelessly confused about telephone etiquette?
• Should a sense of humor be mandatory for fathers
• Ready for Pat Sajak's final spin of the Wheel?
• Can the population implosion be stopped?
• Is 'value' a dirty word?Is it nice to fool mother nature?
• Is 'value' a dirty word?
• Ever have a 'work spouse'?
• Has the Pentagon shattered your faith in UFOs?
• Am I overthinking slang?
• Have you ever taken full responsibility?
• AAAAAY! Is Happy Days' really turning 50?
• Could you pass a citizenship test? really?
• Have you ever caused a scene?
• Should society slam on the brakes about this trend?
• Are you terrible at remembering names?
• Is this remnant of American culture doomed, y'all?
• Are free refills the arch-nemesis of the Golden Arches?
• How Are you in the best friend department?
• Baldness: Is not parting such sweet sorrow?
• Are you clinging to your landline phone?
• Are you distressed by distressed clothing?
• Do you have one of those paranormal pillows?
• Ready to fire up those Father's Day memories?
• Are you a drive-in theater enthusiast?
• Have you heard of after school satan clubs?
• Do you like the tradwife trend?
• Have you ever taken your business elsewhere?
• Journalism: Can't live with it, can't live without it
• Shall we sing the praises of public restrooms?
• Given up on your 2023 reading list yet?
• Cold enough for you?
• M*A*S*H, MAUDE and KUNG FU all turn 50
• Does your body hate you?
• Do Gallup poll respondents have a prayer?
• Was your grandfather a character?
• Is a platonic life partnership right for you?
• Do you hate intersections too?
• The 'Rural Purge' of 1971
• Do morning people deserve to live?
• What will Presidents' Day be like in 50 years?
• Are you and your middle name on speaking terms?
• Have you ever met a stranger?
• Do you dare take the goodness challenge??
• Commercial radio turns 100: what are your favorite memories?
• What shall we say about 50 years of home ownership?
• Do you dread opening your car trunk?
• So this is John Lennon's 80th birthday (And what have you done?)
• Come on, get happy: the Partridge Family at 50
• Come on, get happy: the Partridge Family at 50
• Who can turn the world on with her anniversary?
• Inspirational quotes: Are you for them or against them?
• Ray Bradbury: Something centenary this way comes
• 'Ban Bossy': Unintended Consequences
• Almost Here: A Translator For Dogs!
• Will Eggs Become Obsolete?
• Doctor Who: A Fiftieth Anniversary Primer
• The Martians Were Coming, The Martians Were Coming
• Are Pigs Smarter Than Dogs? And Should We Care?
• America, Let's Be #1 At Corruption
• Free College Tuition? Read The Fine Print
• Independence Day: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Typos
• Let's Have More Wrist Slap Punishments
• Father's Day: Can It Survive?