Is 'hot take dating' right for you?

"You don't have to tell your guts!"

My mother's colorful phrase for practicing verbal restraint would be mocked by proponents of the viral dating trend called "hot take dating."

Once upon a time, people in the dating game practiced their best behavior and tiptoed around potentially controversial topics. When I first met my wife and she asked where I attended church, I hastily volunteered the location name rather than the denomination, so as not to offend her United Methodist sensiblities.

(Even more squeamish folks would react to smalltalk like "Nice weather, isn't it?" with "Nice weather? Um, er, well…I'd like to phone a friend!")

But now it's "warts and all, take it or leave it" from the get-go.

In "hot take dating," participants bluntly inform potential romantic partners of their extreme political views, fringe religious convictions, non-negotiable stances on gender roles and childrearing, quirks (charming and not-so-charming) and outstanding warrants.

They also "show their math" on how they calculated that Greenland would be juuuuuust big enough to bury all the classe of losers they declare should be dispatched with the aid of a ball peen hammer.

"Hot take dating" is lauded as an example of efficiency. Why waste your time on dead ends and wild goose chases when you can better waste time on the things that made you unattached to start with? ("Sweet! I only had to try 15 coffee shops until I found free wi-fi so I could listen to my podcast, ‘Learn to speak Klingon with a 15th-century Ottoman accent.'")

We have given our son a short list of red flags that indicate a potential date isn't marriage material, but "hot take" enthusiasts can crank out deal-breakers at the drop of a hat. ("People who drop hats make me want to vomit!")

While you're drawing lines in the sand and administering your litmus tests, your potential mate might just interpret it as a challenge to CHANGE you. ("I have yet to meet the narcoleptic, serial-killing off-key whistler I can't cure!")

Maybe you'll find a soulmate who truly "gets" all your baggage — but they might merely be a pervy masochist. ("Yes! Set up all the Halloween deocrations on the lawn before Memorial Day! But do it nice and slow…oh, baby!")

If your date agrees to a second meeting, it might mean you found a "keeper" — or maybe they're just not a good listener. ("Oopsie. I guess I wasn't paying attention on our first date, when you said you despise both cats and bagpipes. We'll laugh about this someday, but guess what Mittens has been practicing for our wedding reception…?")

Done with respect and common sense, laser-focused "hot take dating" has potential; but don't develop a false sene of security. It's not a magic talisman. ("But…but…I confided that I double-dip potato chips. How could she dump me for my rich, handsome roommate???")

There's still a lot to be said for old-fashioned romance: maintaining an air of mystery and discovering your partner layer by layer. We still need couples who can roll with the metaphorical punches, adapt to differing perspectives and grow old together. ("And another thing: I hate Creation Science, too! Everything evolves — everything! Except relationships!")

I hope Cupid can navigate this Brave New World of dating.

Uh oh…it's Cupid's Ball Peen Hammer! Tell your skull! Tell your guts!

In English! Not Ottoman Klingon! Not Ottoman Klingon!

(COMMENT, BELOW)

Controversial author Harlan Ellison once described the work of Mr. Tyree as "wonkily extrapolative" and said his mind "works like a demented cuckoo clock." Tyree generated a particular buzz on the Internet with his column spoofing real-life Christian nudist camps. A lifelong small-town southerner, he graduated from Middle Tennessee State University in 1982 with a bachelor's degree in Mass Communications.

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