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Jewish World Review Dec. 1, 2000 / 5 Kislev, 5761

Greg Crosby

Greg Crosby
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Consumer Reports

Here we come a-caroling -- HAPPY DECEMBER! There’s nothing quite as festive as a few holiday songs to get the true spirit of the season underway. So, in keeping with the season (and the current situation) I offer up my versions of some traditional Christmas carols. Ready? Grab your songbook, put on your mittens and scarf, and let’s go caroling!

“Fill The Courts”
(to the tune of “Deck The Halls)

Fill the courts with Al Gore’s folly,
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Litigate and don’t be jolly,
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Spin the truth and change the system,
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Take the laws and simply twist ‘em,
Fa, la,la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

“Joe Lieberman”
(to the tune of “O Tannenbaum”)

Joe Lieberman, Joe Lieberman,
What happened to your values?
Joe Lieberman, Joe Lieberman,
How did you lose your values?
Does counting votes at any cost,
Make up for all your ethics lost?
Joe Lieberman, Joe Lieberman,
We wish you had your values.

“It’s Beginning To Look Like Al Gore’s Crazy”
(to the tune of “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas”)

It’s beginning to look like Al gore’s crazy,
More and more each day.
Take a look at him on TV
Smiling at you and me,
Just giggling with nothing much to say.
It’s beginning to look like Al Gore’s crazy,
Sweat from every pore.
He says we need to count the votes,
then recount all the votes,
Then count and count the bloody votes some more.
It’s beginning to look like Al Gore’s crazy,
Pleading every day,
“Just another week or so,
And I’ll find the votes I know,
There’s just gotta be a way.”
Would someone please take Al Gore away?

“Economic Slump”
(to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)

Dimpled chads, are you countin’?
On Wall Street, tension’s mountin’
Another fine mess, we continue I guess,
Headin’ for an economic slump.
Gore contests the election,
As we near a recession,
With all that we’ve got, we won’t have a pot,
Headin’ for an economic slump.

“Ballot Cards”
(to the tune of “Jingle Bells”)

Dashing through the state,
With a motorcade of cops,
Is a caravan of trucks,
Ignoring all the stops;
A million ballot cards,
Are Tallahassee bound,
As the country sits and watches,
Piles of chads spill on the ground!
Ballot cards! Ballot cards!
Ballots everywhere.
Count ‘em in the districts,
On the land and in the air.
Ballot cards! Ballot cards!
How long will it take,
Before the voters get fed up
And throw the lawyers in the lake?

JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. You may contact him by clicking here.


11/23/00: Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
11/17/00: Gore’s Desperation
11/10/00: It Ain't Over
11/03/00: Read this before you vote
10/27/00: Democratic Big Guns Shoot Blanks
10/20/00: Generation Duh
10/13/00: And the whiner is ...
10/06/00: The Vicious Hollywood Left
09/29/00: Pop Porn
09/22/00: Put On A Tie, Ya Bums!
09/15/00: A sneak peek at The William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library
09/08/00: The Big Mooseketeer
09/01/00: In Honor of Those Who Never Were
08/25/00: Building a Bridge to the Sixties
08/22/00: Leaks
08/18/00: Sour Grapes
08/11/00: But he’s Jewish!
08/04/00: Aint Nothin’ But A Hound Dog
07/27/00: Trick or Treat
07/21/00: Another Golden Moment In Broadcasting
07/14/00: Who eats this, ahem, 'stuff'?
07/07/00: In Your Face Advertising
06/29/00: My Home Sweet Home
06/23/00: Hairs The Thing
06/13/00: The Sweetest Sounds
06/02/00: Another Opening, Another Show
05/22/00: What's next, The Million Mutt March?
05/19/00: Hail the Conquering Hero
05/12/00: Extra! Read All About It!
05/03/00: Clinton’s Transparent Department of Duplicity and Demagoguery
04/24/00: For The Children?
04/19/00: Liars And Cowards And Bums, Oh My!
04/11/00: Gripe, Gripe, Gripe
04/05/00: Counting the Race Cards
03/30/00: Speed Bumps
03/22/00: The Eyes Have It
03/15/00: Academia and Media --- They’re Just Not Right
03/09/00: Sweat The Small Stuff -- It’s Okay
03/02/00: Actors And Other Animals
02/23/00: Campaign 2000 --- Wake Me When Its Over
02/15/00: Who Wants to be Regis Philbin?
02/08/00: Aftermath of a Tragedy
01/31/00: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
01/25/00: I’d Like To Thank All The Little People
01/20/00: Merger Mania
01/11/00: Just Say JA-GWAAR
01/04/00: Who Was That Masked Man? My Hero!
12/28/99: New Millennium --- New Rules
12/21/99: Bubba’s Visit From Saint Nick
12/14/99: Call Me Mister
12/08/99: So Much Going On, So Little Time
11/30/99: Sunday Afternoon
11/22/99: The Best Money Can’t Buy
11/15/99: My Peter Pan Generation
11/08/99: Fall Invasion
10/29/99: When my wife was young and Gay
10/22/99: Too Late for Dinner
10/15/99: Pondering, Musing and Supposing
10/05/99: A Message From Your Journalistic Human Interest Commentator
09/24/99: The Getting Away With It Decade
09/17/99: The Scoop of the Century
09/09/99: Important Millennium Advisory
09/03/99: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
08/26/99: Broadcasters, Please mind Your Manners
08/19/99: The Golden Age of Jerkdom
08/12/99: Dressing Down...and Out

© 2000, Greg Crosby