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Jewish World Review April 11, 2000 /7 Nissan, 5760

Greg Crosby

Greg Crosby
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Gripe, Gripe, Gripe -- IíM TOLD (by my wife, who certainly should know) that my writing sometimes comes off grumpy and angry sounding. It may be so, but it really isnít my intention to be grumpy and angry. I mean, I donít wake up in the morning and say, ďGee, what can I gripe about now?Ē

Actually when sitting down to write I make a conscious effort to be carefree, jovial, and happy-go-lucky. I put a big smile on my face and with a twinkle in my eye I think happy thoughts and sing a merry little tune to myself as I type. Tra-la, tra-la, tra-la! Wheeee! Oh, joy!

Well, forget about it! If you believe that, I know a bridge in Brooklyn that you might be interested in purchasing. Fact is, try as I might to curb my curmudgeon tendencies, I canít do it. The people and events of the world around me simply wonít let it happen. Things just aggravate me, and thatís all there is to it. For example ...

  • Monica Lewinski doing schtick on Saturday Night Live, being the national spokesperson for a weight loss company, and generally having a lucrative career based on the fact that she was Clintonís slut.

  • Checkers in stores that open up another cash register and donít take the next person in line.

  • The new television rating system which actually helps the kids who are looking for the raunchy, violent shows find them more easily.

  • Any time Clinton opens his mouth.

  • Drivers who know how to operate a cel phone but donít have a clue when it comes to turn signals.

  • Six Starbucks stores within a four block radius.

  • People who cannot understand the English language being allowed to vote and take driving tests. (Seems to me if you canít understand English, you canít make intelligent decisions regarding English speaking candidates and complicated ballot measures. Similarly, how can you drive carefully and obey traffic rules on the road, when all of the freeway, street signs, and other directions are in English?)

  • Any adult man who isnít a catcher on a baseball team wearing his hat backwards.

  • Tip jars suddenly appearing on the counters of establishments that offer no service whatsoever.

  • Poll-driven politicians who will do or say anything to further their own ambitions regardless of the consequences to anyone else.

  • Being put on hold for five minutes or more by somebody who has another call on ďcall waitingĒ.

  • Television news

  • Solicitors who call you at home in the evening and ask for you by your first name, as if theyíre old pals of yours.

  • ATM machines that are out of cash when the bank is closed.

  • Waiting in line ...for anything.

  • Wives that say their husbandsí writing sometimes comes off grumpy and angry sounding.

    JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. You may contact him by clicking here.


    04/05/00: Counting the Race Cards
    03/30/00: Speed Bumps
    03/22/00: The Eyes Have It
    03/15/00: Academia and Media --- Theyíre Just Not Right
    03/09/00: Sweat The Small Stuff -- Itís Okay
    03/02/00: Actors And Other Animals
    02/23/00: Campaign 2000 --- Wake Me When Its Over
    02/15/00: Who Wants to be Regis Philbin?
    02/08/00: Aftermath of a Tragedy
    01/31/00: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
    01/25/00: Iíd Like To Thank All The Little People
    01/20/00: Merger Mania
    01/11/00: Just Say JA-GWAAR
    01/04/00: Who Was That Masked Man? My Hero!
    12/28/99: New Millennium --- New Rules
    12/21/99: Bubbaís Visit From Saint Nick
    12/14/99: Call Me Mister
    12/08/99: So Much Going On, So Little Time
    11/30/99: Sunday Afternoon
    11/22/99: The Best Money Canít Buy
    11/15/99: My Peter Pan Generation
    11/08/99: Fall Invasion
    10/29/99: When my wife was young and Gay
    10/22/99: Too Late for Dinner
    10/15/99: Pondering, Musing and Supposing
    10/05/99: A Message From Your Journalistic Human Interest Commentator
    09/24/99: The Getting Away With It Decade
    09/17/99: The Scoop of the Century
    09/09/99: Important Millennium Advisory
    09/03/99: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
    08/26/99: Broadcasters, Please mind Your Manners
    08/19/99: The Golden Age of Jerkdom
    08/12/99: Dressing Down...and Out

    © 2000, Greg Crosby