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Jewish World Review March 9, 2000 /2 Adar 2, 5760

Greg Crosby

Greg Crosby
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Consumer Reports



Sweat The Small Stuff -- It’s Okay -- TO THE AUTHOR of the highly popular book, Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff -- And It’s All Small Stuff I would simply like to say, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, BUB! If I want to sweat the small stuff I will -- and just who do you think you are to tell me to do otherwise? My philosophy has always been, allow yourself to get aggravated by the small stuff, and the big stuff will take care of itself. “Why do you let these things bother you?” my wife asks me every time I fly off in a tirade over some seemingly insignificant irritation. The poor woman doesn’t understand that in my mind there are no insignificant irritations, only insignificant people. Besides, if I don’t agonize over minutiae, who will? For example:

  • Why in the world does the media continue to go along with the stupid label, “The Artist Formally Known As Prince” when referring to that self-absorbed performer? If he doesn’t want to be known by a real name anymore, fine. Then don’t call him anything at all. Just say something like, “Next Thursday night _____ will be performing at the Hollywood Bowl.” If the press started doing that, believe me he’d be calling himself Prince again in a heartbeat.

  • Can anyone tell me what possesses people who have handicapped signs to drive around with them hanging off their rearview mirrors? The signs themselves clearly state, REMOVE THIS SIGN FROM YOUR REARVIEW MIRROR BEFORE DRIVING VEHICLE. Not only that, but those plastic things are hanging right in front of their faces -- obstructing their view -- why can’t they see that? You know what -- if those people are THAT handicapped, maybe they shouldn’t be driving at all.

  • Has anybody else noticed that since the peanut butter companies changed over from glass jars to plastic, peanut butter doesn’t stay as fresh smelling as it used to? If you don’t eat it right away, the stuff starts to take on a rancid odor. Almost all food containers are made of plastic now and I really miss the glass jars. Which reminds me, keep an eye on the coffee cans in the market -- they continue to shrink ever so slightly. What originally was a one pound can of coffee became 13 ounces, then 12 ounces, and now I’m starting to see 11 ounces on many cans. It’s a pretty sneaky way of raising coffee prices without actually raising the price per can.

  • Why do supermarkets place things to sell along the windows at the front of the store so that we only see it after we’ve finished with our shopping and have already gone through the check-stands? Do they REALLY expect us to pick up the item and GO BACK AND STAND IN LINE AGAIN? Forget it!

  • Okay, enough with the matching monochromatic dress shirts, ties and suits already! Everybody is dressing like Regis Philbin dresses on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Come on, you guys -- go out and buy a couple of white shirts. Nothing looks as clean and crisp.

  • With gasoline prices continuing to soar will people lose interest in SUV’s? Will compact cars make a comeback? If you really want a rude awakening, next time you pull into a gas station, take a look at the pump and check out how much of the price per gallon is government tax. It may surprise you.

  • Do you know what’s worse than making a phone call and having to go through those infernal menus? Researching something on the Internet, finally locating what you’re after, then getting kicked off line for no reason and realizing that you’ll never, ever find that web site again. That, my friends, is called cyber-aggrevation. And when this happens after you’ve invested half a day on the computer, it doesn’t exactly feel like “small stuff.”
It’s a good thing the computer I use is heavy and bulky -- otherwise I probably would have thrown it across the room a long time ago.

JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. You may contact him by clicking here.


03/02/00: Actors And Other Animals
02/23/00: Campaign 2000 --- Wake Me When Its Over
02/15/00: Who Wants to be Regis Philbin?
02/08/00: Aftermath of a Tragedy
01/31/00: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
01/25/00: I’d Like To Thank All The Little People
01/20/00: Merger Mania
01/11/00: Just Say JA-GWAAR
01/04/00: Who Was That Masked Man? My Hero!
12/28/99: New Millennium --- New Rules
12/21/99: Bubba’s Visit From Saint Nick
12/14/99: Call Me Mister
12/08/99: So Much Going On, So Little Time
11/30/99: Sunday Afternoon
11/22/99: The Best Money Can’t Buy
11/15/99: My Peter Pan Generation
11/08/99: Fall Invasion
10/29/99: When my wife was young and Gay
10/22/99: Too Late for Dinner
10/15/99: Pondering, Musing and Supposing
10/05/99: A Message From Your Journalistic Human Interest Commentator
09/24/99: The Getting Away With It Decade
09/17/99: The Scoop of the Century
09/09/99: Important Millennium Advisory
09/03/99: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
08/26/99: Broadcasters, Please mind Your Manners
08/19/99: The Golden Age of Jerkdom
08/12/99: Dressing Down...and Out

© 2000, Greg Crosby