Jewish World Review Dec. 10, 2003 / 15 Kislev, 5763
Time Warner Internet Phone Service to Feature Ads
The new internet telephone service which Time Warner plans to offer to its 18 million cable subscribers will be cheaper than regular phone service thanks to 30-second ads which will interrupt calls every 12 minutes.
"If we've learned anything in the cable TV business, it's that people are willing to pay a handsome monthly subscription fee and still sit through lots of ads," said a Time Warner spokesman. "Our great media synergy capabilities will allow you to call your Aunt Ethel, and periodically be entertained by promos for HBO's Carnivāle or CNN's Larry King Live."
The price-per-minute of all calls will be the same, the unnamed spokesman said, but long distance and international calls will feature more advertising. Each promo will end with an offer to "Press 3, and watch this program now." Pressing the phone button will turn on the television to the correct channel, and end the phone call.
"The immediacy of this medium is breathtaking," said the source. "Most of the ads will be for shows that are running right now. So, we can rescue you from those 'I don't know how to end this call' situations. In mere moments, you'll forget you even knew that person, as we just entertain your socks off. It's just one more way that Time Warner simplifies and enhances your life, by reducing the time you have to spend with real people."
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JWR contributor Scott Ott publishes the satirical website ScrappleFace.com, whose motto is "News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher." Comment by clicking here.
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© 2003, Scott Ott