Jewish World Review April 28, 2003 / 26 Nisan, 5763
Coalition Hires British Paper to Dig for Evidence
The U.S. and British military intelligence services, overworked and understaffed, have contracted with British newspapers to dig through Iraqi government buildings in search of a link between al Qaeda and the regime of Saddam Hussein.
A reporter for The Telegraph, Inigo Gilmore (possibly a code name), has been given free reign, and a small stipend, to snoop through the Mukhabarat, Iraq's intelligence service. There the deputized reporter-spy found the first damning evidence of a direct connection between the former Iraqi regime and associates of Usama bin Laden.
The folder, containing whited-out references to Mr. bin Laden, was found lying in the rubble in one of the rooms of the bombed out Mukhabarat. Crime scene reporters from The Telegraph carefully removed the dried residue of Liquid Paper to reveal the sensational evidence.
Meanwhile The Sunday Times, carrying out its freelance espionage in the Iraqi Foreign Ministry building, discovered that France was giving regular reports to Baghdad on its dealings with the U.S..
"We could have sent our own agents in there," said U.S. Director of Central Intelligence George Tenet, "but we're so busy this time of year. Anyway, the Brit reporters are naturally curious and we always find out quickly what they've learned since they publish it in the paper and on the web. We're hoping to get a first-hand look at those latest documents pretty soon."
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that U.S. troops at first thought the reporters in government buildings were looters, and "we almost shot the little varmints." But when the journalists showed their "Temporary Deputy Agent" cards, they were allowed to carry on their intelligence investigations.
JWR contributor Scott Ott publishes the satirical website ScrappleFace.com, whose motto is "News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher." Comment by clicking here.
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© 2003, Scott Ott