Jewish World Review March 19, 2003 / 15 Adar II, 5763


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Consumer Reports

France proposes using metric hours for ultimatum | French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin (who is a man), proposed that the 48-hour ultimatum the U.S. gave Saddam Hussein be calculated according to the metric system.

Although he acknowledged the novelty of the concept, Mr. de Villepin said a metric clock would offer a truly multilateral approach to the crisis in Iraq.

Under the terms of the French proposal, the 48 hours would be multiplied by 10, then the resulting 480 hours would be multiplied by the number of minutes in an hour and then multiplied again by 100. The result, 2,880,000 would be divided by the number of hours in a metric day (100), giving Saddam Hussein and his sons 28,800 days, or 78.9 years, to get out of Iraq.

Mr. de Villepin said if George Bush concedes to using the metric clock, he can still say '48 hours', and yet win back the favor of world opinion by using something metric.

"At the heart of it," said Mr. de Villepin, "Citizens of Earth are still angry at America for failing to adopt the metric system. My proposal would allow Mr. Bush to save face, while simulataneously bringing the U.S. into the world community."

White House spokesman Ari Fleischer said the President would consider the French proposal and respond within 24 metric hours.

JWR contributor Scott Ott publishes the satirical website, whose motto is "News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher." Comment by clicking here.


03/18/03: Airport screeners halt Hussein exodus
03/17/03: Encryption experts work to decipher Kaptur comment
03/14/03: U.S. to Return Statue of Liberty to France
03/13/03: CIA Leaks Again: Shhh! Don't tell bin Laden
03/12/03: "We're damaging these homes and vehicles as a form of political speech"
03/11/03: Bush caves in to Russian and French veto
03/07/03: Speechless: U.N. delegates await translation of Bush remarks
03/06/03: Moseley-Braun Drops Hyphen, Hopes for Sponsor Deal
03/05/03: Bush Admits to Belafonte's 'Possessed of Evil' Charge
03/04/03: Powell continues 'saber rattling' in Pakistan interview
03/03/03: Daschle demands release of top al Qaeda operative
02/28/03: Rather to interview prez on same terms as Saddam
02/27/03: U.S. accepts Saddam's latest proposal
02/26/03: 'Win Without War' releases new talking points
02/25/03: Blix orders Iraq to destroy 'human shields'
02/24/03: Secret U.S. Plan for Cyber-War to Feature Windows XP
02/21/03: Gephardt insists he's really running for President
02/20/03: French President changes name to 'Chiraq'
02/19/03: Chirac offers new EU members 'Freedom of Silence'
02/18/03: Meteorologist Fired for "Positive" Snow Report

© 2003, Scott Ott