Jewish World Review April 15, 2003 / 13 Nisan, 5763

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Consumer Reports


Shroud of CNN Missing from Baghdad Museum

http://www.jewishworldreview.com | Among the thousands of items missing from Baghdad's antiquities museum, curators are most concerned about the so-called 'Shroud of CNN,' a white clothe which some say bears the image of CNN reporter Kevin Sites

"This is irreplaceable," said an unnamed museum staffer. "Reporters like Mr. Sites have become an integral part of the history of our nation. The story of the war is, more than anything, the story of the hardships borne by news reporters."

Some have questioned the authenticity of the shroud, but the faithful knew it was genuine. A weblog, launched to commemorate the loss of the Shroud of CNN, immediately garnered 100,000 visitors per day.

Meanwhile, the Syrian Foreign Ministry announced today that its government can do nothing to stop the flow of anti-war celebrities into Syria.

"Our borders are long, and our resources short," said foreign ministry spokeswoman Buthaina Shaaban. "Let the U.S. government keep them contained in Hollywood. It's George Bush's problem."

The apparent disappearance of formerly vocal anti-war celebrities has led some in the Bush administration to speculate that they may have fled into Iraq's friendly neighbor.

"Up until a week ago," said an unnamed White House source, "there were dozens of celebrities making the rounds of the talk shows, saying our policy was doomed. Now it seems they've fled, and Syria would be a natural hiding place."



JWR contributor Scott Ott publishes the satirical website ScrappleFace.com, whose motto is "News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher." Comment by clicking here.

Up

04/14/03:Pelosi praises U.S. troops for defending immorality
04/11/03: Chirac Apologizes for Applauding Fall of Saddam
04/07/03: United Nations Holds 'Grand Re-Opening' Event
04/07/03:Chemical agent found at Iraqi Information Ministry
04/04/03: War Provides Terrorists Long-Awaited Motive
04/01/03: Lieberman won't promote gay marriage on Sabbath
03/31/03: Lennon joins dead celebs opposed to war
03/28/03: New War Show Lets Audience Call Shots
03/26/03: U.S. offers Iraq Russian-made equipment
03/24/03: Decapitation attack on 'peace movement' succeeds
03/20/03: Gulf War, a golf war? U.S. presses to end war before Masters Tourney
03/19/03: France proposes using metric hours for ultimatum
03/18/03: Airport screeners halt Hussein exodus
03/17/03: Encryption experts work to decipher Kaptur comment
03/14/03: U.S. to Return Statue of Liberty to France
03/13/03: CIA Leaks Again: Shhh! Don't tell bin Laden
03/12/03: "We're damaging these homes and vehicles as a form of political speech"
03/11/03: Bush caves in to Russian and French veto
03/07/03: Speechless: U.N. delegates await translation of Bush remarks
03/06/03: Moseley-Braun Drops Hyphen, Hopes for Sponsor Deal
03/05/03: Bush Admits to Belafonte's 'Possessed of Evil' Charge
03/04/03: Powell continues 'saber rattling' in Pakistan interview
03/03/03: Daschle demands release of top al Qaeda operative
02/28/03: Rather to interview prez on same terms as Saddam
02/27/03: U.S. accepts Saddam's latest proposal
02/26/03: 'Win Without War' releases new talking points
02/25/03: Blix orders Iraq to destroy 'human shields'
02/24/03: Secret U.S. Plan for Cyber-War to Feature Windows XP
02/21/03: Gephardt insists he's really running for President
02/20/03: French President changes name to 'Chiraq'
02/19/03: Chirac offers new EU members 'Freedom of Silence'
02/18/03: Meteorologist Fired for "Positive" Snow Report

© 2003, Scott Ott