Jewish World Review Oct. 16, 2003 / 20 Tishrei, 5764

David Grimes

Grimes
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
MUGGER
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports


TV golf needs a kick in the pants


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | It's unclear whether the whispered commentary is to blame or the 20 minutes it takes a player to line up a putt but professional men's golf is the fifth most hated or disliked sport in America.

According to a poll conducted by the Sports Marketing Group in Atlanta, dogfighting is the No. 1 hated or disliked sport, if sport is indeed the right word.

No. 2 is pro wrestling, which I found rather surprising since few things rivet my attention so much as two steroid-inflated madmen pummeling each other with folding chairs. Perhaps this sport's image would improve if contestants were issued guns and live ammunition.

The third most hated or disliked sport is bullfighting, another choice I found odd since few Americans have actually witnessed a bullfight or know anything more about it than what they may have read in a Hemingway novel. Still, like most Americans I love animals and hate to see them treated cruelly, which is why I've started ordering the single patty rather than the double when I go to a fast-food restaurant.

The fourth most hated or disliked sport is pro boxing, loathed by 31.3 percent of the public. Why pro wrestling is disliked more than pro boxing, where people can and do get killed, is a mystery that the pollsters make no attempt to solve.

Which brings us to No. 5, the PGA Tour, hated or disliked by 30.4 percent of Americans. (The PGA seniors' Champions Tour is close behind with a 29.9 percent hate/dislike rating, followed by the women's LPGA Tour at 29.2 percent.)

I have watched more than my share of PGA Tour golf on TV and I can think of several ways to improve the sport's popularity:

1) If someone other than Tiger Woods is threatening to win a tournament, he should be picked up and body-slammed by a pro wrestler. This would not only add some much-needed action to TV golf, it also would expose pro wrestling to a whole new demographic and possibly improve its ratings.

Donate to JWR

2) Limit commercial interruptions to no more than 30 per hour. Also, no technology companies should be allowed to run commercials where it's not even remotely possible to tell what they're selling.

3) Every time a TV golf announcer says that a player has "dissected" the fairway with his drive, he shall have a portion of his ear bitten off by Mike Tyson. This would teach the announcer a lesson and would in no way harm Tyson's reputation.

4) TV golf camera crews need to stop showing the ball flying through the air. Compared to this, watching a player flip a few blades of grass into the wind is heart-stopping action.

5) Any player who glares at or curses a spectator for making noise, such as chewing or breathing, in the middle of the player's backswing shall be subjected to close-range blasts from an air horn at random times during his round.

6) At next year's Masters tournament, Hootie Johnson will conduct the champion's interview in Butler Cabin while wearing a skirt.

Appreciate this column? Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.



JWR contributor David Grimes is a columnist for The Sarasota Herald Tribune. Comment by clicking here.

Up

10/08/03: That's geek to me
09/30/03: A man, a woman and a cat
09/22/03: A tale of two spams
09/16/03: Librarian action figure will be taking no guff
09/10/03: Slackers need to remain invisible
09/02/03: No fun in the summertime
08/26/03: The algebra of love
08/11/03: Journey to the center of the pavement cracks
08/06/03: Word dominance by U.S. appears a fait accompli
07/28/03: Ads that are hard to swallow
07/09/03: Keep cows out of the classroom
07/03/03: Little-appreciated facts about unshaven men
06/24/03: Brother, can you paradigm?
06/18/03: Cats, TV not a good mix
06/10/03: In defense of grumpiness
06/04/03: Do we really need keyboards in our Port-A-Johns?
05/29/03: Always a dull men's moment
05/21/03: Bad PC hygiene leads to bugs
05/12/03:Army mops up; Tony Blair doesn't
05/06/03: Grill a hamburger for PETA
05/01/03: Exams spice history
04/23/03: Too much money? Tax me more!
04/14/03: When good gourds go bad
04/11/03: One fish-tale that isn't --- and that's no lie!
04/02/03: Do you really want to know what your dog's thinking?
03/26/03: Pajamas make high school less stressful
03/21/03: It's time to be nice to the French
03/03/03: The ultimate clean and constructive sport
02/12/03: Get a bang out of cleaning with cruise vacuum
02/06/03: Voluntary kindness? Not likely
01/28/03: Signs our economy is on upswing
01/22/03: There may be cash in your old underwear
01/15/03: Banish these words, now more than ever
01/07/03: Coughing as an art form
12/24/02: Parents shell out for missed homework
12/17/02: French government says no to @ symbol
12/11/02: A latecomer joins fellowship of the DVD
12/02/02: Don't worry, be fat, unfit and really happy
11/18/02: Intrigued by a German invention that could get teens out of bed before the crack of noon
11/06/02: A noose by any other name ...
10/29/02: Iranian dogs on notice
10/22/02: Talk about a job that stinks --- literally!
10/15/02: The official world's funniest joke
10/02/02: Japanese turn eyes to computer haikus
09/27/02: Oh, no! Bosses want to know what's on your mind
09/24/02: An airbag, humanity's salvation?
09/17/02: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!
09/06/02: Come listen to a story about a man named ... Bill
09/03/02: You're not in preschool anymore!
08/30/02: A charming idea from a brutal, whacked-out, megalomaniacal dictator-for-life
08/26/02: Blubber water? How to put on the pounds by gulping H20
08/21/02: The latest evidence that Mother Nature is out to kill us
08/13/02: Computers, airplanes and Canada don't mix
08/06/02: The sky's not falling? Dang it!
08/02/02: Some fond memories of worst TV shows
07/30/02: Pay my credit-card bill, please?
07/25/02: Something to celebrate
07/22/02: Baseball needs to ban the fans
07/16/02: Hasbro should consider new inaction figure
07/11/02: Decline in trash-talking is harming our mental health? Well, #@%&!
07/08/02 Americans retain right to fork tongues
07/01/02 These laws were made to be broken
06/18/02 Watching enough commercials?
06/03/02 Throwing your vote to the dogs
05/08/02 Hey, Mom, could you spare a dime?: Parents' obligations unending

© 2002, Sarasota Herald Tribune