Jewish World Review June 4, 2003 / 4 Sivan, 5763

David Grimes

Grimes
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
MUGGER
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports


Do we really need keyboards in our Port-A-Johns?


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | I was sorry to read that Microsoft Corp. has abandoned its plans to build an Internet-enabled portable toilet.

I can't count the number of times I've used a portable toilet and said to myself, "Gosh darn it! This experience would sure be a lot more pleasant if I could dash off a few e-mails right now! Also, some toilet paper would be nice, too!"

When the story of the Internet-enabled toilet first made the news, Microsoft dismissed it as a hoax. But then company officials learned that the British branch of Microsoft had indeed been working on a project of that sort, with the hopes of wheeling it out, so to speak, in time for the summer concert season.

This confusion no doubt caused great embarrassment at Microsoft and should be a lesson to employees everywhere that if you are currently trying to build an Internet-enabled portable toilet, you should make sure that your boss knows what's going on.

While some might argue that the idea of an Internet-enabled portable toilet tells you all you need to know about the wisdom of investing in technology stocks, I think it is exactly the kind of creative thinking we need nowadays to take our minds off of war, terror alerts and that nagging cough and low-grade fever we seem to have contracted recently. It's hard to be saddened by the deplorable state of the Middle Eastern peace process when you're seated in a cramped, overheated, foul-smelling edifice with pop-up ads dancing before your eyes.

And it's hard to call it the World's Stupidest Idea when you consider that carmakers have been wiring dashboards to the Internet for some time now. Which do you feel more threatened by: A portable toilet that makes funny beeping sounds or some lunatic in a Ford Explorer fishtailing down the highway at 80 mph while attempting to download porn?

I suppose there are a few mossbacks out there who think we're inundated with far too much technology already and find it depressing that someone wants to invade that last bastion of privacy: the bathroom. (Anyone with children knows that the word "privacy" carries no meaning when applied to anyone other than themselves. Scrolling through a seemingly endless procession of spam is vastly preferable to having your teenager rifle through your wallet for movie money.)

The sad or happy fact, depending on your point of view, is that technology is here to stay and it's only going to get worse (or better). In a world where we've already got robotic cats and talking washing machines, it's rather amazing that someone would even question the wisdom of hooking up Port-O-Lets to the Internet.

So the next time you hear voices emanating from a portable toilet, don't call the police or think you're going crazy. It's just the sound of progress.

Enjoy this writer's work? Why not sign-up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.



JWR contributor David Grimes is a columnist for The Sarasota Herald Tribune. Comment by clicking here.

Up

05/29/03: Always a dull men's moment
05/21/03: Bad PC hygiene leads to bugs
05/12/03:Army mops up; Tony Blair doesn't
05/06/03: Grill a hamburger for PETA
05/01/03: Exams spice history
04/23/03: Too much money? Tax me more!
04/14/03: When good gourds go bad
04/11/03: One fish-tale that isn't --- and that's no lie!
04/02/03: Do you really want to know what your dog's thinking?
03/26/03: Pajamas make high school less stressful
03/21/03: It's time to be nice to the French
03/03/03: The ultimate clean and constructive sport
02/12/03: Get a bang out of cleaning with cruise vacuum
02/06/03: Voluntary kindness? Not likely
01/28/03: Signs our economy is on upswing
01/22/03: There may be cash in your old underwear
01/15/03: Banish these words, now more than ever
01/07/03: Coughing as an art form
12/24/02: Parents shell out for missed homework
12/17/02: French government says no to @ symbol
12/11/02: A latecomer joins fellowship of the DVD
12/02/02: Don't worry, be fat, unfit and really happy
11/18/02: Intrigued by a German invention that could get teens out of bed before the crack of noon
11/06/02: A noose by any other name ...
10/29/02: Iranian dogs on notice
10/22/02: Talk about a job that stinks --- literally!
10/15/02: The official world's funniest joke
10/02/02: Japanese turn eyes to computer haikus
09/27/02: Oh, no! Bosses want to know what's on your mind
09/24/02: An airbag, humanity's salvation?
09/17/02: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!
09/06/02: Come listen to a story about a man named ... Bill
09/03/02: You're not in preschool anymore!
08/30/02: A charming idea from a brutal, whacked-out, megalomaniacal dictator-for-life
08/26/02: Blubber water? How to put on the pounds by gulping H20
08/21/02: The latest evidence that Mother Nature is out to kill us
08/13/02: Computers, airplanes and Canada don't mix
08/06/02: The sky's not falling? Dang it!
08/02/02: Some fond memories of worst TV shows
07/30/02: Pay my credit-card bill, please?
07/25/02: Something to celebrate
07/22/02: Baseball needs to ban the fans
07/16/02: Hasbro should consider new inaction figure
07/11/02: Decline in trash-talking is harming our mental health? Well, #@%&!
07/08/02 Americans retain right to fork tongues
07/01/02 These laws were made to be broken
06/18/02 Watching enough commercials?
06/03/02 Throwing your vote to the dogs
05/08/02 Hey, Mom, could you spare a dime?: Parents' obligations unending

© 2002, Sarasota Herald Tribune