Jewish World Review Oct. 8, 2003 / 12 Tishrei, 5764

David Grimes

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That's geek to me | Perhaps, while fondling your pocket protector and asking yourself what the Klingon word is for "pathetic," you have wondered: Do I have what it takes to be a geek? Judging by the preceding paragraph, my initial answer would be "yes indeedy," but let us, for the sake of filling space, attempt a more scientific evaluation. The word "geek" is derived from the Latin "geekus horribilus" meaning, literally, "he who has seen the movie 'The Matrix' at least three times." Geeks are not to be confused with nerds, who would have watched "The Matrix" three times but could not figure out how to operate their VCR. The difference between a geek and a nerd is that a nerd got an "A" in physics in high school whereas a geek got an "A" in physics in high school and could also demonstrate the proper technique of drinking milk through one's nose.

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(The operative word here is "dog," as in: Why didn't we get one of those instead of this stupid cat?)

You may be a geek if:

  • The last four digits of your phone number spell G-E-E-K.

  • You talk to plants to help them grow.

  • You spotted an error on a Mensa test.

  • You work for Microsoft.

  • You have taped one or more episodes of "The X Files."

  • You corner people at cocktail parties to extol the virtues of Linux.

  • You fall asleep to the Weather Channel.

  • You consider a Band-Aid to be a really hip fashion accessory.

  • You have attended "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Alone.

  • You have appeared on a late-night television show demonstrating your skill with a Rubik's cube.

  • You hate it when fall arrives because they show so much football on TV.

  • You can recite the date and location of the next "Star Trek" convention.

  • You snort when others laugh.

  • You are 40 years old and still have name tags on your underwear.

  • You have hacked into another computer system and felt guilty afterward.

  • You would only be too happy to explain the difference between nuclear fission and fusion.

  • You tell your English teacher that her "metaphor is a bit skewed."

  • You have a life-size poster of Ralph Nader in your bedroom.

  • You know the difference between RAM and ROM.

  • You have more e-mail addresses than pairs of shoes.

  • You consider chess a sport.

  • You have contributed an article to a Sno-Globe collecting publication.

  • You have ever gone to a Halloween party dressed like Mr. Spock.

  • It's sunny and 70 degrees outside and you're inside working on a computer.

  • You have a pet named after a scientist.

  • You had perfect attendance in college.

  • You have ever been dumped at a "Star Trek" convention.

  • You have never attempted to assemble something without first reading the instructions.

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JWR contributor David Grimes is a columnist for The Sarasota Herald Tribune. Comment by clicking here.


09/30/03: A man, a woman and a cat
09/22/03: A tale of two spams
09/16/03: Librarian action figure will be taking no guff
09/10/03: Slackers need to remain invisible
09/02/03: No fun in the summertime
08/26/03: The algebra of love
08/11/03: Journey to the center of the pavement cracks
08/06/03: Word dominance by U.S. appears a fait accompli
07/28/03: Ads that are hard to swallow
07/09/03: Keep cows out of the classroom
07/03/03: Little-appreciated facts about unshaven men
06/24/03: Brother, can you paradigm?
06/18/03: Cats, TV not a good mix
06/10/03: In defense of grumpiness
06/04/03: Do we really need keyboards in our Port-A-Johns?
05/29/03: Always a dull men's moment
05/21/03: Bad PC hygiene leads to bugs
05/12/03:Army mops up; Tony Blair doesn't
05/06/03: Grill a hamburger for PETA
05/01/03: Exams spice history
04/23/03: Too much money? Tax me more!
04/14/03: When good gourds go bad
04/11/03: One fish-tale that isn't --- and that's no lie!
04/02/03: Do you really want to know what your dog's thinking?
03/26/03: Pajamas make high school less stressful
03/21/03: It's time to be nice to the French
03/03/03: The ultimate clean and constructive sport
02/12/03: Get a bang out of cleaning with cruise vacuum
02/06/03: Voluntary kindness? Not likely
01/28/03: Signs our economy is on upswing
01/22/03: There may be cash in your old underwear
01/15/03: Banish these words, now more than ever
01/07/03: Coughing as an art form
12/24/02: Parents shell out for missed homework
12/17/02: French government says no to @ symbol
12/11/02: A latecomer joins fellowship of the DVD
12/02/02: Don't worry, be fat, unfit and really happy
11/18/02: Intrigued by a German invention that could get teens out of bed before the crack of noon
11/06/02: A noose by any other name ...
10/29/02: Iranian dogs on notice
10/22/02: Talk about a job that stinks --- literally!
10/15/02: The official world's funniest joke
10/02/02: Japanese turn eyes to computer haikus
09/27/02: Oh, no! Bosses want to know what's on your mind
09/24/02: An airbag, humanity's salvation?
09/06/02: Come listen to a story about a man named ... Bill
09/03/02: You're not in preschool anymore!
08/30/02: A charming idea from a brutal, whacked-out, megalomaniacal dictator-for-life
08/26/02: Blubber water? How to put on the pounds by gulping H20
08/21/02: The latest evidence that Mother Nature is out to kill us
08/13/02: Computers, airplanes and Canada don't mix
08/06/02: The sky's not falling? Dang it!
08/02/02: Some fond memories of worst TV shows
07/30/02: Pay my credit-card bill, please?
07/25/02: Something to celebrate
07/22/02: Baseball needs to ban the fans
07/16/02: Hasbro should consider new inaction figure
07/11/02: Decline in trash-talking is harming our mental health? Well, #@%&!
07/08/02 Americans retain right to fork tongues
07/01/02 These laws were made to be broken
06/18/02 Watching enough commercials?
06/03/02 Throwing your vote to the dogs
05/08/02 Hey, Mom, could you spare a dime?: Parents' obligations unending

© 2002, Sarasota Herald Tribune