Jewish World Review April 11, 2000 /7 Nissan, 5760
Gripe, Gripe, Gripe
IíM TOLD (by my wife, who certainly should know) that my writing sometimes comes off
grumpy and angry sounding. It may be so, but it really isnít my intention to be grumpy and
angry. I mean, I donít wake up in the morning and say, ďGee, what can I gripe about now?Ē
Actually when sitting down to write I make a conscious effort to be carefree, jovial,
and happy-go-lucky. I put a big smile on my face and with a twinkle in my eye I think happy
thoughts and sing a merry little tune to myself as I type. Tra-la, tra-la, tra-la! Wheeee!
Well, forget about it! If you believe that, I know a bridge in Brooklyn that you might
be interested in purchasing. Fact is, try as I might to curb my curmudgeon tendencies, I canít
do it. The people and events of the world around me simply wonít let it happen. Things just
aggravate me, and thatís all there is to it. For example ...
Monica Lewinski doing schtick on Saturday Night Live, being the national spokesperson
for a weight loss company, and generally having a lucrative career based on the fact that she
was Clintonís slut.
- Checkers in stores that open up another cash register and donít take the next
person in line.
- The new television rating system which actually helps the kids who are looking
for the raunchy, violent shows find them more easily.
- Any time Clinton opens his mouth.
- Drivers who know how to operate a cel phone but donít have a clue when it
comes to turn signals.
- Six Starbucks stores within a four block radius.
- People who cannot understand the English language being allowed to vote and
take driving tests. (Seems to me if you canít understand English, you canít make
intelligent decisions regarding English speaking candidates and complicated
ballot measures. Similarly, how can you drive carefully and obey traffic rules on the
road, when all of the freeway, street signs, and other directions are in
- Any adult man who isnít a catcher on a baseball team wearing his hat backwards.
- Tip jars suddenly appearing on the counters of establishments that offer no service
- Poll-driven politicians who will do or say anything to further their own ambitions
regardless of the consequences to anyone else.
- Being put on hold for five minutes or more by somebody who has another call on
- Television news
- Solicitors who call you at home in the evening and ask for you by your first name,
as if theyíre old pals of yours.
- ATM machines that are out of cash when the bank is closed.
- Waiting in line ...for anything.
- Wives that say their husbandsí writing sometimes comes off grumpy and angry
JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written
thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a
letter to his congressman. You may contact him by clicking here.
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02/23/00: Campaign 2000 --- Wake Me When Its Over
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01/31/00: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
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10/29/99: When my wife was young and Gay
10/22/99: Too Late for Dinner
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09/09/99: Important Millennium Advisory
09/03/99: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
08/26/99: Broadcasters, Please mind Your Manners
08/19/99: The Golden Age of Jerkdom
08/12/99: Dressing Down...and Out
© 2000, Greg Crosby