Clicking on banner ads keeps JWR alive
Jewish World Review April 11, 2000 /7 Nissan, 5760

Greg Crosby

Greg Crosby
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Arianna Huffington
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
MUGGER
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Debbie Schlussel
Sam Schulman
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports
Newswatch

Econophone

Trakdata


Gripe, Gripe, Gripe

http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- I’M TOLD (by my wife, who certainly should know) that my writing sometimes comes off grumpy and angry sounding. It may be so, but it really isn’t my intention to be grumpy and angry. I mean, I don’t wake up in the morning and say, “Gee, what can I gripe about now?”

Actually when sitting down to write I make a conscious effort to be carefree, jovial, and happy-go-lucky. I put a big smile on my face and with a twinkle in my eye I think happy thoughts and sing a merry little tune to myself as I type. Tra-la, tra-la, tra-la! Wheeee! Oh, joy!

Well, forget about it! If you believe that, I know a bridge in Brooklyn that you might be interested in purchasing. Fact is, try as I might to curb my curmudgeon tendencies, I can’t do it. The people and events of the world around me simply won’t let it happen. Things just aggravate me, and that’s all there is to it. For example ...

  • Monica Lewinski doing schtick on Saturday Night Live, being the national spokesperson for a weight loss company, and generally having a lucrative career based on the fact that she was Clinton’s slut.

  • Checkers in stores that open up another cash register and don’t take the next person in line.

  • The new television rating system which actually helps the kids who are looking for the raunchy, violent shows find them more easily.

  • Any time Clinton opens his mouth.

  • Drivers who know how to operate a cel phone but don’t have a clue when it comes to turn signals.

  • Six Starbucks stores within a four block radius.

  • People who cannot understand the English language being allowed to vote and take driving tests. (Seems to me if you can’t understand English, you can’t make intelligent decisions regarding English speaking candidates and complicated ballot measures. Similarly, how can you drive carefully and obey traffic rules on the road, when all of the freeway, street signs, and other directions are in English?)

  • Any adult man who isn’t a catcher on a baseball team wearing his hat backwards.

  • Tip jars suddenly appearing on the counters of establishments that offer no service whatsoever.

  • Poll-driven politicians who will do or say anything to further their own ambitions regardless of the consequences to anyone else.

  • Being put on hold for five minutes or more by somebody who has another call on “call waiting”.

  • Television news

  • Solicitors who call you at home in the evening and ask for you by your first name, as if they’re old pals of yours.

  • ATM machines that are out of cash when the bank is closed.

  • Waiting in line ...for anything.

  • Wives that say their husbands’ writing sometimes comes off grumpy and angry sounding.


    JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. You may contact him by clicking here.

    Up

    04/05/00: Counting the Race Cards
    03/30/00: Speed Bumps
    03/22/00: The Eyes Have It
    03/15/00: Academia and Media --- They’re Just Not Right
    03/09/00: Sweat The Small Stuff -- It’s Okay
    03/02/00: Actors And Other Animals
    02/23/00: Campaign 2000 --- Wake Me When Its Over
    02/15/00: Who Wants to be Regis Philbin?
    02/08/00: Aftermath of a Tragedy
    01/31/00: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
    01/25/00: I’d Like To Thank All The Little People
    01/20/00: Merger Mania
    01/11/00: Just Say JA-GWAAR
    01/04/00: Who Was That Masked Man? My Hero!
    12/28/99: New Millennium --- New Rules
    12/21/99: Bubba’s Visit From Saint Nick
    12/14/99: Call Me Mister
    12/08/99: So Much Going On, So Little Time
    11/30/99: Sunday Afternoon
    11/22/99: The Best Money Can’t Buy
    11/15/99: My Peter Pan Generation
    11/08/99: Fall Invasion
    10/29/99: When my wife was young and Gay
    10/22/99: Too Late for Dinner
    10/15/99: Pondering, Musing and Supposing
    10/05/99: A Message From Your Journalistic Human Interest Commentator
    09/24/99: The Getting Away With It Decade
    09/17/99: The Scoop of the Century
    09/09/99: Important Millennium Advisory
    09/03/99: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
    08/26/99: Broadcasters, Please mind Your Manners
    08/19/99: The Golden Age of Jerkdom
    08/12/99: Dressing Down...and Out


    © 2000, Greg Crosby