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Jewish World Review Dec. 23, 2000/ 25 Kislev, 5761
Marianne M. Jennings
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
SENATOR JOSEPH LIEBERMAN, former partner with Tennessee's least favorite son
in election manipulation par excellent, asserted, in his most sincere whine,
that litigation is "the American way." The "American way" tag originated
with Geoffrey Fieger, the Michigan lawyer who defended Kevorkian and filed
the first suit in the Littleton high school slayings. Hubert Humphrey used
to quote Plato. Lieberman quotes shysters.
The American way costs a pretty penny. The McDonald's spilled hot coffee
case with its excessive verdict was de minimis. The real costs of litigation
are the reforms mandated by litigation outliers and geared to society's
lowest common denominator. Following the McDonald's case, restaurants put
warnings that hot drinks are indeed hot on everything from coffee cups to
drive-thru windows, all to protect those who won't be playing bridge at
Mensa. The fall-out from the 2000 presidential election lawsuit bonanza will
bring idiot-proof voting geared to FloriDUH voters.
Litigation for fool-proofing society has become so pervasive that it runs
head-on into itself. Exxon paid billions to settle suits for damage to
Alaska's shores caused by a drunken Captain Hazelwood's stint at the helm of
its Valdez. Exxon recently re-experienced the American way for banning those
with a history of alcoholism from being oil tanker captains, a violation of
the Americans with Disabilities Act. When someone falls off the wagon,
maneuvering oil tankers around testy coastlines may not be the best line of
work. There aren't many inlets large enough for pulling over to sleep it
off.
Ours is the most accessible court system in the world. Justice is around the
corner for a minimal filing fee. But such easy access demands
self-restraint. The American way knows no limits, finding novel damage
theories in every accident and unearthing new liability in each twist of
fate. We watch Judge Judy daily, dreaming of our day in court and jackpot
verdicts. We are scavengers for remedies, foragers for punitive damages.
I served as arbitrator through conscription in a case involving a rear-end
bump at 5 mph but damages untold claimed by the plaintiff. Interestingly,
the plaintiff had sprung from his car immediately after the collision with
visions of contingent fees dancing in his head, sprightly climbed a hill to a
Circle K, and energetically called a lawyer who advertises along freeways and
during the wee hours of Andy Griffith reruns, all with the other driver
chasing him inquiring about injuries.
In another case I arbitrated, a man who claimed permanent injury from a
similar accident was photographed snowboarding in Flagstaff just weeks before
the hearing.
Because I awarded both plaintiffs nothing, I have been removed by every
lawyer in any case assigned to me. I am the antithesis of the American way.
There are far greater losses from the American way than silly cases and
economic costs. The giving heart withdraws when the American way threatens.
Litigation is an antidote to benevolence because we are ever-vigilant of
impending summons.
A friend found that one of the mothers in a carpool she asked to join
performed a background check on all potential entrants. The background check
was a simple litmus test. The mother-turned-private investigator explained
unabashedly, "I don't allow children of lawyers in my car." I envision a
forthcoming ACLU class action suit for denying the urchins of the bar carpool
slots.
When our church provided dinner for the homeless in a transition program, I
thought a pan of some of my mighty fine lasagna would be just the ticket
Fearful of the transition folks reacting to cheese or being possessed of some
allergy someone in Washington is now contemplating regulations for, I instead
took a pan of Stouffer's frozen lasagna. Let Stouffer's defend the lawsuits,
not I.
A young family member working with troubled youth was reprimanded for hugging
her charges. The liability exposure for charges of harassment or sexual
abuse, her supervisors warned, was far too great. Hugging is not the
American way.
This past summer some friends of our lost their special needs son. His life
of 15 years ended as he struggled with immobility, seizures and a body weary
of physical imperfection. In their grief, they thought of us and our
struggles to lift and care for our teen-age daughter with similar
limitations. They offered us their son's lift system, a state-of-the-art
means of hoisting and bathing. It was an answer to prayer.
However, our friends explained that because they had been sued previously for
something that was not their fault, they wanted a signed waiver upfront. A
moment of selfless love and an act of charity were reduced to an exculpatory
clause.
Senator Lieberman's American way produces a fear of litigation eats away at
our souls. The moments of human frailty and the milk of human kindness are
vulnerable for the American way demands too much, forgives too little and
forces us unto our islands, free from the summons that flow too often and too
12/15/00: In defense of rhetoric
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