Jewish World Review June 24, 1999/ 10 Tamuz 5759
Marianne M. Jennings
http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- ABSENT A SOUL not schooled in mandatory grocery store line silence, the time in anticipation of the scanning of one's Cocoa Puffs and Pine Sol passes as slowly as school hours for a third-grade boy. To wile away the plastic vs. paper time, I can torture myself with Snickers or Reese's Pieces, but, middle age spread being what it is, I choose the low-cal women's magazines.
One would think, a generation into the women's movement, that such magazines would address bossy bosses, 401(k)s, or even sexual harassment. Liberated women focus on work, money and education -- aren't those what equality was all about? Instead, women's magazines today read like harlots' resource manuals. The women's magazine industry has become so racy that a school district in Long Island banned Seventeen, Teen and YM from its school libraries. "What He Thinks When He First Sees You Naked" is one of the cover zingers from the June '99 issue of Glamour.
Such literature on initial nude looks is not isolated, as the remaining Glamour article titles attest: "Wedding Night Sex Survey Secrets," "Get Moregasmic: Shameless Tricks to Double Your Pleasure" and "19 Hair Envy Eliminators -- Get the Look You Love Now."
There's more in grocery store line fare. From the June McCall's, "Natural Ways to Tame Your Crazy Appetite" and "A Frank Talk (I believe the pun escaped them) with Kathie Lee: How She's Survived the Ultimate Betrayal." From New Woman, "Unzip His Secrets: A Daring Q & A for Lovers," "The 9 Most Amazing Things a Woman Can Do in Bed," "Saturday Night Hair," and "Jiggle-Free Arms." From In Style, "Making the Most of Your Shape." From Self, "Slimmer by Summer: Burn Fat, Tighten Your Butt FAST!" and "Why I'm Not Having Sex with My Wife: A Husband Confesses."
Even Bridal Guide has lost its virginity with "The Sexiest Gowns for Your Body" and "20 Ways to Keep Your Love HOT! HOT! HOT!" The staid grocery store line staple, Women's World, features, "Lose 12 Pounds This Week on the Controversial Cheryl Ladd (the substitute Charlie's Angel and erstwhile Love Boat star) Diet," and "Marriage Booster: Decorate Your (as opposed to someone else's?) Bedroom with Love Paint."
Ah, what liberation has done for us. Thirty years of equality and we have the same problems women in the '50s had: calories, hair and men. All the platitudes on women not being sex objects and we're reading up on nine amazing feats in the bedroom?
Such is the bipolar liberated woman. Able to make the bacon, but not able to partake because the first time he sees you naked the fat grams will show. Able to supervise men but still not able to succeed in life with arms that jiggle.
Women, with their equal pay and sexual liberation, think they have it all. Women didn't realize that they had it all before. In their pre-liberation chastity and modesty, they held the keys to power. Men had two choices: marry or end up like Charlie Sheen.
Now men are non-paying Charlie Sheens because women give it away for free all while reading stories such as YM's "Boys' Secrets and Lies: 10 Get-Him-To-Commit Clues," or "How to Make Any Guy Beg For You." In her book, "What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us," Danielle Crittenden documents the absent male commitment and offers the chilling words of a female college student, "All men want to do is hook up. They don't even bother to call you in the morning."
Earlier this year, the New York Times did an analysis of women's magazines titled, "Enough About Feminism: Should I Wear Lipstick?" Gloria Steinem refers to today's women's magazines as "anti-feminist." The flaw in her label is that magazines peddle what sells and women buy this trash.
Even Ms. magazine has dropped its "Women in Washington" column. Bonnie Fuller, Glamour's editor, has an interesting take: the issues of feminism are now so ingrained that we don't need articles about that stuff anymore.
Fuller is as clueless as her magazine story titles. Women are desperately seeking what our mothers once had: the power of restraint and the self-assurance of selflessness. Today, the women's movement has left women still the prey but added the responsibilities of huntress. They have the right to read and worry about tightening their buttocks while trying to figure out how to swing a mortgage.
They read up on how to get a guy to commit while the guys are off enjoying themselves because what guys want now comes without the bounds of matrimony. Men have women with bipolar disorders who are self-supporting thanks to equal rights and commitment-proof thanks to abortion on demand, which gives men an ideal world. All the perks, no costs.
Dutch treat all the way. Men could not have come up with a better result had they
designed the women's movement themselves. Women are reduced to thigh busters and
staying HOT HOT HOT for those nine things in the bedroom even as they work, work,
work and pay, pay,