Clicking on banner ads enables JWR to constantly improve
Jewish World Review Oct. 27, 2000/ 28 Tishrei, 5761

Marianne M. Jennings

Marianne M. Jennings
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
MUGGER
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Debbie Schlussel
Sam Schulman
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports


Al in the package? Memo to women: Choosing presidents and husbands


http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- AL GORE'S airbrushed package (a Gen X term for what were once private parts) is featured in his cover mug for this month's Rolling Stone magazine. Bill Clinton's boxers-vs.-brief- MTV-debate looks positively cerebral now.

The last-minute Gore appeal to the Rolling Stone readers is foolish.

This crowd is not prone to showing up at voting booths. Their above-the-fray attitude classifies voting as plebian. They do meaningful volunteer work with, say, Ecofeminists for Muskrats. Gore's crackerjack strategist, daughter Karenna Gore Schiff, is, no doubt, behind the Rolling Stone coup d' goo-loos.

Mrs. Schiff's thoughts on the economy, "What if we were the leading exporter of ways to clean up the environment?" Goodbye, Kyoto Treaty!

The Gore jewels got those daft broads of "The View," the television series with Barbara Walters and three feebs in platform shoes, clucking. Couple this on-air tete 'a te about the VP's lock box with the suit by that brat at Duke for her female privates being ousted from the Duke football team and locker room, and I must once again offer to surrender women's suffrage.

Soccer moms, bowling bimbos, bingo babes, prescription prissys and every other breed of dimwitted female have been courted by desperate politicians who make you want to scream, "Show a little dignity! Castro is only 90 miles away, the Chinese have most of our nuclear secrets, and Jim Carrey in buck teeth looks more threatening."

Do we blame the candidates or the women for this mental debauchery? One can hardly fault Mr. Gore for trying - his Tipper mouth-to-mouth gave him 3 weeks of favorables and a lead in the polls. Women apparently choose presidents the way they choose bad first husbands. Women put Bill Clinton in office and, just ask Hill, he is one bad first husband. Some tips for women on selecting a husband and a president:

If they lie to you during courtship, whoppers await in marriage. Mr. Gore has claimed he and Tipper were the role models for the novel Love Story (author Erich Segal says it isn't so), that he invented the Internet, that he discovered the problems of Love Canal, that students in Florida are SRO in their classrooms, that he, Smokey the Bear and James Witt, head of FEMA, hover over forest fires together, and that his children made the decision independently to fly to St. Louis for his third and final debate. Mr. Gore has a mint condition Rambler driven only on Sundays by a little old lady that he wants to sell to you, too. The little old lady drove her can-toting Winnebago the rest of the week.

If they don't tell you the whole truth, it counts as lying. Mr. Gore says that he cut the size of federal government by 300,000 employees. He neglected to mention that 87% of those cuts were in the military. Mr. Gore spun the "undecideds" in St. Louis, who seemed largely incapable of reading their own questions from cards let alone making a decision, with tales of cutting taxes. If $116 is a tax cut, he told the truth.

If they cheat on you before marriage, they'll do it after the vows. Mr. Gore offers to get tough with Hollywood if you elect him. Take a gander at the transcript of a meeting among and between Tipper and Al and the Hollywood moguls during Al's 1988 presidential campaign fund-raising, printed in Variety. Groveling is a charitable description. Tipper called her campaign against obscene lyrics a lapse in judgment and both promised it would never happen again. Just a month ago, Gore and Lieberman accepted funds from a Hollywood partying crowd that ridiculed everything from religion to Republicans.

If they are not polite before the wedding, don't count on decorum afterwards.

Mr. Gore's behavior in the debates would bring discipline to the five-year-old in our home. Wait until absolute power corrupts absolutely. If he talks about "his" money, he will be the controlling fiscal authority. Mr. Gore speaks of the surplus as if it is government property, not yours.

Beware the husband who hoards the money "he" worked for. You'll not see a dime afterwards.

If he doesn't pay attention to details before the marriage, he'll be AWOL after. During the 8 years of the Clinton/Gore tag team, the Middle East has erupted because of their sophomoric diplomacy and a powerful hankering for the Nobel spotlight. This month we witnessed a Navy ship trying to gas up in a port controlled by a nation of crazies who are hostile to the United States, particularly during legacy-building peace demands. Sacrifice the military for personal glory. The devil is in the details and in Al.

You can't change a man with marriage. Marry a man who is comfortable with himself and not fulfilled only by worldly accolades. If George Bush loses, he will go back to the ranch, the pick-up, and the dog a happy soul. If Al Gore loses, the rug-cutting Tipper will be whipping her camera about shooting Clinically Depressed Al.

Vote like you're choosing a good husband. Don't vote for a package deal.


JWR contributor Marianne M. Jennings is a professor of legal and ethical studies at Arizona State University. Send your comments by clicking here.

Up

10/20/00: Ten things the gay community should understand
10/13/00: "You Have a Lump."
10/06/00: The government as the pharmacy: Don't
09/29/00: The capacity for truth
09/22/00: Charity with strings and an agenda
09/15/00: The taming of the shrew: Gloria Steinem takes a husband
09/09/00: Why rich folk don't bother me none
08/28/00: Survival of the not-so-fit but conniving
08/25/00: Conventions: A study in contrasts
08/18/00: Resenting the accusations of racial prejudice
08/04/00: Women: Their own worst enemy
07/21/00: Hillary: Our longshoreman First Lady
07/21/00: SUVs: The root of all evil
07/14/00: The basketball gene and white men not jumping so well
07/07/00: I wanna be around
06/23/00: The liberal conversion
06/14/00: Sex and the City: The shallow but vulgar female
06/08/00: No excuses schools
06/02/00: Oh, Canada: Our Nutty Neighbors to the North
05/23/00: The new mollycoddling coach
05/16/00: On adultery and leadership
05/12/00: Taking your lumps
05/02/00: Elian: There's never a liberal around when you need one
04/25/00: Life's circle and tenderness
04/18/00: Womyn who want it both ways
04/11/00: The monsters we're raising with the ergo proposition
04/05/00: Endowing the Hooters Chair for Literature Appreciation
03/28/00: Dr. Laura: The passive/aggressive kid's mom
03/21/00: Dough and campaigns
03/14/00: The volunteerism of conscription and pomp
03/07/00: Hope and pray that religion remains a force in politics
02/29/00: Ditzes in TV Land
02/22/00: Cranky nitpickers make writing a [sic] experience
02/15/00: Those chameleon 60s activists
02/08/00: McCandidate McCain: Flirting with principles
02/01/00: The demise of marriage
01/25/00: Stroke of the pen, law of the land: Clinton's Camelot
01/18/00: Off the Rocker Rorschach Test
01/11/00: Oprah's lemmings
01/04/00: Struggling mightily amidst the comfort
12/23/99: Confused fathers
12/14/99: Drop-kicking the homeless
12/07/99: Turtles and teamsters, side-by-side in Seattle
11/29/99: When conservatives behave badly
11/22/99: Compassionate conservative: Timing and targets
11/18/99: The elusive human spirit and accountability
11/11/99: Succumbing to the intellectual child within with the help of crackpots and screwballs
10/28/99: Live by litigation, die by litigation
10/22/99: Jesse, Warren, Cybill, Donald and Oprah
10/14/99: Inequality and injustice: It's the big one
10/05/99: Dan Quayle, morals and schoolyard bullies
09/30/99: The monsters of epidermal parenting
09/21/99: The Diversity Hoax
09/15/99: Waco Wackos
09/09/99: Selective censorship
09/01/99: The village, the children, judicial imperialism and abortion
08/24/99: Naughty Newt?
08/17/99: In defense of Boy Scouts and judgment
08/10/99: Ruining the finest health care system in the world
08/03/99: Nihilism and politics: ethics on the lam
07/26/99: Of women, soccer and removed jerseys
07/23/99: Not in despair, a mere mortal doing just fine
07/20/99: "Why me?" How about "Why us?"
07/13/99: Bunk, junk & juries
07/06/99: An Amish woman in a Victoria's Secret store
06/30/99: That intellectually embarrassing Second Amendment
06/24/99: Patricia Ireland eat your heart out --- but check out the recipe in 'women's mags' first
06/22/99: Dems and the Creator coup
06/17/99: True courage is more than just admitting troubles

© 2000, Marianne M. Jennings