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Jewish World Review May 18, 2001 / 25 Iyar, 5761
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
IT'S
easy to
be calm
and kind
when
everyone
is
behaving
as we wish. The challenge
arises when someone hurts
us, disappoints us or acts in a
manner that needs to be
addressed and corrected.
Everyone -- parents, teachers,
children -- face such situations
every day at home,
school or work. The Torah -- Bible --
teaches that reproach
should always be given in a
way that it will be accepted,
but how does one find that
way?
G-d Himself teaches
us how to approach a
wrongdoer. "Where is Abel,
your brother?" he asks
Cain after he kills his
brother. The question, Rashi, the foremost biblical commentator,
explains, was meant to keep
the lines of communication
open with Cain, to give
him a chance to repent.
Were he to feel crushed by
the Creator's wrath, he'd have
no avenue to return.
Cain in essence killed
off one quarter of the
world's population. But
even for this grave crime,
Rashi observes,
the Creator came to Cain with
calm words, with a question,
not an accusation.
By emulating the Creator's
approach, we preserve the
dignity of those we reprove.
It's that self-respect that
ultimately makes the person
feel capable and worthy
of fulfilling his potential.
Better Relationships
OVERHEARD
You're at the wedding of a
friend's son. Some young
men are reminiscing about
high school, and you hear
your son's name mentioned.
"He was the worst,"
says one young man. "He
was always in outer space."
Then he tells a few anecdotes
to illustrate the point,
much to the group's delight.
What would you think?
No doubt, you'd be hurt and
ashamed for your son,
angry at the people laughing,
and furious at the person
ridiculing him. How different
would it have been to overhear
the speaker talking to
your son privately, with
concern, saying, "I know
you had trouble concentrating
back in high school. How
are you doing now? Are you
still learning?"
We all have a Father who
is always listening. He, too,
suffers when He hears the
names of any of His children
disparaged in front of others.
The more His constant
presence becomes a reality
to us, the more likely we
are to watch what we say
about His children, not just
because the Creator sees the
aveirah, sin, but because He
feels His children's pain.
Adapted from "Chofetz Chaim:
A Lesson a Day," by Rabbi S.
Finkelman and Rabbi Y. Berkowitz,
with permission from Mesorah
Publications, Ltd.
Inner Excellence
THE GOOD WAY
Rabban Yochanan ben
Zakkai, in Pirkei Avos, tells
his five students to go out
into the world and determine
"which is
the good way
to which man
should cling."
Each was
impressed by a
different trait
which he felt
was the key to
one's ability to
live a religious life. This
is the final segment of a
five-part series
examining these traits.
Said Rabbi Elazar:
A Good Heart
A good heart, a "lev tov,"
is a heart that seeks out
what is good, loves what is
good and intuitively grasps
the good in every situation.
This, said Yochanan ben
Zakkai, is the trait that
encompasses all others. A
person who clearly perceives
what is good and has the
innate desire to head in that
direction has the roadmap
to spiritual
achievement.
He is someone
who won't get
sidetracked or
confused by
competing priorities.
Given the
heart's emotional
nature, void
of intellect or
logic, it would
seem to be the wrong vessel
to carry out our most
important spiritual function.
But the Torah -- Bible -- sees the
heart as the seat of freedom,
the location in which
our decisions are made.
Ultimately, when all the facts
have been processed through
our brains, it's our hearts
that decide.
But how can one cultivate
a good heart? How can one
be sure that the decisions
his heart makes will be good
ones? By "educating" the
heart, though performance
of mitzvos, G-dly acts. Every time a
person does a mitzvah, he is
training his heart in goodness,
teaching it to see the
good and strengthening its
desire to do good.
Adapted from "Ethics From Sinai,"
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