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Jewish World Review March 21, 2001 / 26 Adar, 5761
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
MOST people try to avoid disputes and confrontations.
But sometimes, it seems that there's more at
stake than our own personal grudge. Sometimes, it
seems there's a principle involved, and we believe that
justice is served by our fighting for that principle.
Sometimes—more often
than we'd like to believe—
"principle" is the righteous
veneer we paint on
what is really just a wounded
ego or frustrated ambition.
Look at the case of the biblical Korach, which
illustrates the danger in fooling
ourselves into believing
we're fighting for a principle.
It was just that justification that
cost him and his
followers their lives.
The sages say Korach was a
wise man. His downfall
started, notes Rashi, the Torah's foremost commentator,
when Moshe (Moses) appointed his cousin
to a position Korach had
wanted. Too refined to
admit simple jealousy, he
convinced himself that he
was defending a principle —
that if all Jews are holy, as
the Creator declared, then one
Jew should not have power
over others.
On that principle,
he sowed the seeds of rebellion.
How do we know if we're
justly defending a cause or
simply assuaging our own
egos? A good test is to recall
how you've felt when other
people have been hurt in
similar circumstances. Did
you consider their situation
worthy of a
declaration of
war? Or did you
shrug it off with
a "gam zu l'tova," "This, too, is for the good."
Or maybe a
"nobody's perfect"?
If so,
your gripe
isn't the principle,
it's the
personal.
Adapted from "What's Wrong
With Being Human?" by Rabbi
Yisroel Miller, with permission
from Mesorah Publications, Ltd.
Better Relationships
SOMEONE'S LISTENING
One reader shared with us this real-life situation
that serves as a wonderful illustration of what's
really happening when two people converse.
Dear Chosen Words:
I thought your readers
might appreciate this story:
I have a friend who,
unfortunately, is deaf. But
technology has made keeping
in touch with her much
easier. There is a service
that can relay my words to a
third party, who relays them
to her over a computer
screen. My friend then
answers on her screen and
the third party relays her
response to me. It's somewhat
cumbersome, but at
least it allows me to pick up
the phone and
stay in
touch
with her, and vice versa.
What's interesting is the
effect of speaking through a
third party, and having a
delay between my side of
the conversation and hers.
Because of these two factors,
I find myself much more
apt to consider what I say
before I say it. Is it worth the
time it will take up? Is it
something I'm comfortable
having a third party hear?
Imagine how quickly
loshon hora (gossip) would stop if we
had these thoughts during all
our conversations.
The truth
is, every word we say really
should be worth saying, and
there is always a "Third
Party" to our conversations.
I hope this story is helpful to
everyone working on Shmiras
Haloshon, refraining from gossiping.
Sincerely,
Inner Excellence
THE GOOD WAY
Rabban Yochanan ben
Zakkai, in Pirchei Avos, tells
his five students to go out
into the world and determine
"which is
the good way
to which man
should cling."
Each was
impressed by a
different trait
which he felt
was the key to
one's ability to
live a life of
Torah and
mitzvos. This
is the first of a
five-part series
examining these traits.
Said Rabbi Eliezer:
"A Good Eye"
"A good eye" is often interpreted
as seeing everything
in a positive light. The commentaries
further explain a
"good eye" to mean, "being
happy with one's lot."
Accordingly, a person
with “a good eye” sees his
own possessions, as well as
those of others, as gifts from
the Creator that have been distributed
according to
His own
plan. When
someone looks
at others' possessions
with
jealousy, his
own portion,
no matter how
large it is, will
seem devalued,
and it will
bring him no
happiness.
The Vilna
Gaon sees this
trait as the key distinction
between a happy and an
unhappy person. The life of
someone who is content
with his lot, according to
Mishlei (Proverbs), is like a constant
party. The Gaon explains
that a person at a simcha, lifecycle event, is
elated; the wine, the music
and dancing combine to give
him the feeling that he is better off than a king. But the
contented person has this
feeling always. In his heart,
he feels uniquely blessed
with what he has.
Adapted from "Consulting the
Wise," by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin,
with permission from the author
Life’s Lessons
PERFECT MERCY
The great Chassidic master,
Rabbi Dovid of Lelov, ZT"L strove
to emulate the Creator's compassion
as it is described in
the prayer, Ashrei, from Psalms: "G-d is
good to all and His mercy is
upon all His creatures."
One time, his son, Moshe,
became seriously ill, and it
appeared he might not
recover. The child was
beloved by the entire community,
and as his life
ebbed away, everyone gathered
in the synagogue, pouring
out tearful prayers and
donating charity on his behalf.
At last, Moshe began to
recover. Rabbi Dovid, on
hearing the good news,
began to cry. "Yes, my child
is better because the people
offered prayers and
tzedakah (charity) for his recovery.
But what about other people's
children? When they
fall sick, the shul (synagogue) doesn't fill
with people praying for them.
Why should I not cry?"
Adapted from "Not Just Stories," by Rabbi Abraham Twerski, with
permission from Shaar
The principle of the matter
C. B. Fried
Chosen Words, a newsletter of spiritual and personal growth, is produced by the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation. Comment by clicking here.
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