Clicking on banner ads enables JWR to constantly improve
Jewish World Review Dec. 12, 2002 / 7 Teves, 5762

Phil Perrier

Phil Perrier
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

Bigfoot: Myth or monster? | The world of crank science was knocked for a loop recently when the family of Ray L. Wallace revealed, after his death at 84, that his discovery of giant footprints in 1958 had been a hoax.

"The reality is, Bigfoot just died," says Wallace' son, Michael. Surviving members of Wallace' family say that he and his brother Wilbur (really!) asked a friend to carve 16" wooden footprints and they then distributed fake prints liberally in areas where they might be found.

It was in August of 1958 that a bulldozer operator who worked for Ray Wallace's construction company first found the bizarre footprints at a remote job site. The story was soon a sensation in the Humboldt (Ca.) Times.

Thus began the "Bigfoot" phenomenon.

Wallace went on to cut an album of reputed Bigfoot sounds (as did William Shatner) and took pictures of Bigfeet in various natural settings.

In fact, Michael Wallace claims his mother admits to posing for photos in a Bigfoot costume. But then, whose mother has not worn a Bigfoot costume at one time or other?

The Wallace family also claims that the so-called Patterson film, the grainy 1968 footage of a large hairy man-like creature walking in the Northern California woods, was a fake. Presumably, given time, the Wallace clan will blow the whistle on Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Trickle Down Theory.

In truth, the Patterson film always did look a little fishy. For one thing, the beast did not look like he was accustomed to walking in the woods, he looked more like a giant ape walking down a sidewalk in Manhattan. And, if you looked really closely, there did appear to be a small "Dry Clean Only" label protruding from the animal's back.

Luckily, the only people who believe in Bigfoot are a handful of talk radio hosts and a smattering of college professors at places like Yakima State who collect "data" on Bigfoot "sightings" and smoke large amounts of medical marijuana for vague ailments.

The case to be made for a huge man-beast living in the woods of the Continental U.S. is a trifle thin. A Bigfoot has never been shot by a hunter -- even accidentally -- a Bigfoot has never been hit by a logging truck or run over by a train or found sleeping in someone's backyard.

If Bigfoot did exist it would have appeared at least once by now on "America's Wackiest Animal Videos" or "Blind Date." The Fox Network would have no doubt produced "Who Wants to Marry Bigfoot?"

Michael Wallace says his Dad started the whole thing as a joke but then he was afraid people would be mad at him when he admitted it was a hoax.

Apparently, Ray Wallace did not take into account the possibility that people would actually be dumb enough to buy his little joke.

Enjoy this writer's work? Why not sign-up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Phil Perrier is a Los Angeles-based writer and stand-up comic. Comment by clicking here.


11/25/02: Wacko Jacko blows his stacko?
11/11/02: The "Toad Factor" --- proven yet again
08/19/02: In this game, nobody wants a souvenir!
08/08/02: Drawing the curtain on a 'forgiven' lifestyle
07/29/02: The end of the freak show?
07/03/02: Who died?
06/21/02: From death, life
04/09/02: Welcome back, Phil
03/21/02: The Hollywood Curmudgeon's Guide to the Oscars
02/15/02: Another piece of Americana bites the dust
01/18/02: I'M SPARTACUS!
12/31/01: Realistic New Year's resolutions
11/02/01: Return to narcissism with Emmys
10/19/01: White trash exchange program
10/01/01: A few shows that will not be on the fall lineup
09/25/01: What's important
09/20/01: A sleeping giant awakes

© 2002, Phil Perrier