Jewish World Review August 26, 2004 / 9 Elul, 5764

Lloyd Garver

JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

The Indefinitive Election Poll | As usual, as opposed to real polls, there is no science involved and the answers should not be taken any more seriously than the questions. However, I promise that I will read all your responses, and I will post the results on this site. With a nod towards my boyhood Chicago, you may vote as many times as you want.

  1. 1. Would you rather have a president whose family is involved in:

    A. Big Oil?

    B. Big Ketchup?

  2. 2. Whatever happened to John Edwards? I thought he was going to be the dynamic campaigner who would be in the news every day. We've hardly heard from him since the Convention. What do you think he's up to?

    A. He's at the "undisclosed location" with Dick Cheney?

    B. He's waiting to look older before he goes out in public again?

  3. 3. What would surprise you the most at the upcoming Republican convention?

    A. Colin Powell telling us what he really thinks?

    B. Dick Cheney saying, "Maybe there really aren't any Weapons of Mass Destruction over there?"

    C. George Bush performing a gay wedding at the opening ceremony?

  4. 4. What would you most like to see happen at the debates?

    A. President Bush insisting that Dick Cheney accompany him.

    B. The Bush twins debating Emma Claire and Jack Edwards.

    C. Either candidate actually answering any question.

    Donate to JWR

  5. Which is most confusing to you?

    A. The electoral college?

    B. President Bush's position on stem cell research?

    C. Why both sides spend so much time talking about how they're not going to talk about Kerry's military career?

    D. Why Bill Clinton looks younger now than when he was President?

  6. Which makes you angriest?

    A. That George Bush has a really rich father?

    B. That John Kerry has a really rich spouse?

    C. That you don't have a rich spouse or a rich father?

  7. What annoys you the most about President Bush?

    A. The smirk?

    B. The way he pronounces "nuclear?"

    C. His perfect posture?

  8. What annoys you the most about John Kerry?

    A. His speaking voice?

    B. His hair?

    C. His height?

  9. How can anyone still be undecided? What do you think "the undecideds" are waiting for before making up their minds?

    A. They're hoping to finally find out where President Bush was when he was supposed to be with the National Guard?

    B. They're wondering if Kerry's going to say, "All right. I only deserved two Purple Hearts, not three?"

    C. If U.S. forces catch Osama bin Laden, they want to know if Osama will say, "Bush is the man. The United States never would have found me if that war hero guy were president?"

  10. What do you think would help get more young people to vote?

    A. Have the candidates dress hipper?

    B. Have the candidates rap their speeches?

    C. Have better candidates to choose from?

  11. Even though it could never happen, in your wildest political fantasy which would you like to see occur?

    A. John Kerry accidentally slipping into perfect French as he addresses a campaign crowd in Ohio?

    B. An investigation revealing that Ralph Nader has been a crook all these years?

    C. President Bush saying, "Let's not count any state whose governor happens to be related to one of the candidates?"

    D. Both sides being positive and refraining from bad-mouthing each other for the rest of the campaign?
Send your answers by clicking on the link in the bio below.

Enjoy this writer's work? Why not sign-up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lloyd Garver has written for many television shows, ranging from "Sesame Street" to "Family Ties" to "Frasier." He has also read many books, some of them in hardcover. Comment by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.


08/19/04: Postage stamps get personal
08/12/04: The Political Olympics
08/05/04: Candidates are relying too much on research and taking some voters for granted
07/26/04: Color Code Confusion
07/08/04: Two Johns, no waiting
07/01/04: College Kids: They're Ba'aaack
06/11/04: A real sucker
06/03/04: What America really thinks
05/28/04: Fly the nice skies
05/20/04: A margin of error
05/06/04: TIPtoeing Around New York
04/29/04: The trouble with tall people
04/22/04: It's over for the Yankees
04/15/04: Silver bullets, tarnished excuses
04/08/04: A basketball fan's Nirvana
04/01/04: Something you're dying to write
03/25/04: Trumping Trump
03/11/04: Spelling still kounts
02/10/04: Leave the Amish alone
02/05/04: 'The State Of The Column' Column
01/15/04 Being Fat And Fit?
01/12/04 How to win the lottery
01/05/04 Sign Of The Times
12/27/03 Your Checklist Of Football Cliches
12/19/03 Clean getaway for holiday shoppers
12/15/03 The Cadillac Of Columns?
12/08/03 Dearest (Insert Name Here) ...
12/01/03 If they advertise it, we will buy
11/21/03 Feeling young, small and intimidated
11/14/03 The ulterior motive behind changes in those airline passenger meals
10/30/03 Real Money From Virtual Reality
10/23/03 Seeing red on new greenbacks
10/10/03 A sorry state of affairs
10/02/03 Revealed! Celeb-authored kids' books arriving just in time for the holidays
09/25/03 Just say 'yes' to dinner
09/11/03 In search of cool
09/04/03 Taking 'Intelligence' Out Of 'CIA'
08/28/03 Relaxation makes me nervous
07/31/03: What empty nest?
07/17/03: America's Big Hang-Up
06/27/03: Mental gymnastics
06/19/03: Why do we lie to our doctors?
06/02/03: Driving around in circles
05/28/03: These writers don't monkey around
05/19/03: Testing the water
05/13/03: New car hell
05/05/03: Bed and breakfast bewilderment
04/28/03: Sexy? That's a laugh!
04/10/03: When 'all A's' isn't good enough
04/04/03: A kibosh on complaining
03/13/03: Cut those billionaires some slack
03/05/03: Will they ever run out of celebs? The pols hope not!
02/26/03: Unfortunately, we can hear you now
02/19/03: Just say what you mean

© 2004, Lloyd Garver