Ask Wendy

Jewish World Review August 2, 2001/ 13 Menachem-Av 5761


Have wife, won't travel; 'dis' --- as in 'distant'


By Wendy Belzberg

http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- I need to get away from the routine, for a simple weekend in the country or to the West Coast. I have asked my wife to join me with or without our children, but traveling is not her cup of tea. I therefore plan to go by myself. Am I being a poor husband and father?

A: You married a Jewish woman who doesn't like to go on vacation?

Your desire and need to explore the world beyond the four walls of your home - whether you have children or not - is natural. Moreover, the health of your marriage may depend on it. Husbands and wives who do not stoke the fires of their marriage sometimes find that they have nothing left in common once their children have moved out.

I have a hard time imagining what your wife could object to, especially if you have offered to take the children along. (Have the words "first class" passed your lips? Has the thought of agoraphobia crossed your mind?) Isn't there any kind of trip that she would enjoy? If not, you might have a more important issue to address. In this case, send your wife to a therapist and enjoy your weekend away.

I have a close girlfriend who, ever since my daughter became engaged to a nice man, has been distant and dismissive. I am offended, but I have tried not to react to my friend's behavior. I have decided not to share anything more with her about my daughter and her wedding plans. I can continue like this, but is there a better way to handle the situation?

A: Clearly I have a different definition of "close friend." Among my criteria are honesty, candor - and, call me madcap - the ability to share in each other's happiness and success rather than be resentful and jealous. Call your friend on her behavior. If she apologizes, give her a second chance; otherwise, figure your daughter will have one fewer thank-you notes to write.


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© 2001, Wendy Belzberg