Ask Wendy

Ask Wendy

Jewish World Review / July 28, 2000 / 25 Tamuz, 5760

Small-city guys, self-centered siblings

By Wendy Belzberg -- I am not Jewish but very much enjoy Jewish World Review. I am a highly eligible single man, very attractive, in almost every way (save the amount of money I make, though I do have great long-term investments). I live in Santa Barbara, an area that is long on beautiful people yet short on substance, mostly due to its resort/retirement status and lack of economic opportunity.

I find it difficult to meet the kind of women that I would like. The most obvious solution is to move to a more dynamic environment like San Francisco or New York. But I like living here. What do you suggest I do?

Before you do anything rash like move back to a big city, try this: Pack Your Bags You're Moving West -Very good-looking man (add age, height, interests, etc.) seeks dynamic, sexy, substantive single (add other personal preferences here.). Willing to relocate to Santa Barbara a must. Photo/position paper on what constitutes substance/phone.

If a personal ad placed in New York Magazine by a bachelor living in Alaska yielded hundreds of responses, how hard can it be to find someone who wants to live in sunny Santa Barbara? Beware, however, long-term exposure to sun and retirement mentality has been proven to cause substance-decay in the young and intellectually curious.

* * *

Last year my sister and I gave birth to children within a few months of each other. Her lifestyle is exactly as it was--running around all day, partying all night, baby in tow. I stay home and raise my daughter. I keep hoping that as my nephew grows, he will become less of an accessory and that my sister and her husband will truly bond with him. My sister is my best friend and we always looked forward to raising our children together. I never guessed we would have such fundamental philosophical differences. I worry that I am losing respect for her and in the process damaging our relationship.

Your sister may or may not end up being a different kind of parent than you, but the proof is in the pudding, as they say, and your puddings won't be ready for many years to come.

Parenting styles differ widely. Unless you have heard it from your sister's lips, how do you know she has not bonded with her son? If one day her son draws on your walls with lipstick, is wild and uncontrolled, that would be a problem and would undoubtedly put a strain on your friendship with your sister-and perhaps prove your point about her parenting skills. But the same woman may be a very different mother when her infant becomes a toddler. Until then, you have no idea what your sister is like as a parent or what that parenting may yield.

Finally, don't forget that that child your sister has in tow is your nephew. If she does turn out to be inept as a mother, he will need you even more.

Ask Wendy a question -- any question --- by clicking here.

07/21/00: When a child takes religion seriously, marriage obsession, and guests who just don't get it
07/14/00: Divorcing brother-in-law, uncampy kids, and a dot.comer who makes it big time
07/07/00: Hypocrites, reality checks, and the 'real estate challenged'


© 2000, Wendy Belzberg