battling brothers; how to keep a nanny
By Wendy Belzberg
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
My daughter has many children. The two older boys, ages l5 and l3, have
serious fights with each other and she does not know how to stop them. She
fears they will injure one another. They never fight when their father is
home; he would not allow it.
I don't care how tall they are or how strong, the boys are children and your
daughter is the adult. The cowardly way out is for her to sit down with the
boys and her husband and lay out the consequence for fighting. But if your
daughter doesn't want to have the same problems with the other children
coming up the line, it's time she stood tall, fearless and alone on this
issue. Simply put, it should be clear that, at the very least, mom's the boss
when dad's not home.
Bubbie: It's nice that you're concerned, but perhaps you play a larger part
in this situation than you let on. What was the dynamic between you and your
husband when your daughter was living at home? What kind of a role model were
you? Instead of writing to me, maybe you should be at your daughter's house
trying to model and instill self-confidence. Better late than never.
* * *
(Portions of my response may be offensive to men. I advise male readers to
stop here, or at the very least, to the second paragraph.)
When it comes to childcare, my husband is dispensable; my caregiver is not. I
would attempt any kind of contortion to make sure my nanny is not only happy
at her job, but has no outside worries that could distract her from focusing
fully on my children. This includes loaning her huge sums of money.
Having said this, if you can't afford the loan, the answer is simple. If you
can afford it, ask yourself the following questions: Do you expect to get
paid back or are you willing to write off the money? Will the loan come in
the way of your professional relationship? Is your nanny willing to have
payments deducted from her weekly or monthly paycheck? Your instincts are
correct: She may owe you money, but she does not owe you an explanation for
how that money will be
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