Jewish World Review June 13, 2003 / 13 Sivan, 5763

Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Arianna Huffington
Jeff Jacoby
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Michelle Malkin
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

A Father's Day roast for Mother Goose | If you are a father and it seems like more cards are bought, more cash spent, more flowers delivered and more phone calls placed on Mother's Day than Father's Day, you're absolutely right. Personally, I blame children's literature.

It's been an uneven playing field from the git go and I intend to do something about it. For starters, let me point out that kids cut their teeth on Mother Goose. I have it on good authority there was a Father Goose as well. Know why you don't hear about him? I'll tell you why. While she was entertaining the kids with clever stories and snappy rhymes, he was down at the county courthouse filing papers and ripping through red tape that would get their goose nests with their little goose eggs on the protected species list. Typical, isn't it? Dads do the all-important behind-the-scenes work, but no one seems to remember.

And what about Old Mother Hubbard? She wasn't the only one scrounging around for food. Old Father Hubbard went to the cupboard to get his poor dog a bone. When he got there, the cupboard was bare, so he phoned out for buffalo wings and pizza instead. OK, it might not rhyme, but believe you me, that's a ditty that will warm the hearts of a lot of children when they think of dear old dad.

Then there's the old woman who lived in the shoe. I'm not saying the woman didn't have a tough row to hoe. I can imagine being packed into a smelly old sweat-soaked shoe with a herd of kids was downright awful. But where was the old man? I'll tell you where. The old man took the old sock to live in so the woman could have the shoe and pull the laces taught to put a roof over the kids' head. Once again, the silent sacrifices of a caring father go virtually unnoticed.

And how about that little game Mother May I? Mom's not the only one with the power. The next time I spot some kids playing it, I'm telling them the rules have been changed. "The game is over, kids. It's no longer Mother May I, the game is now Go Ask Your Dad."

I dare say there has been a blatant bias in the visual arts as well. Take Whistler's Mother. It is a little known fact that Whistler also had painted a picture of his father. Unfortunately, it was right after the man had eaten a heavy meal. He had fallen asleep in the chair, was all slouched down with his mouth hanging open and drool running down his chin. The painting wasn't nearly as popular as that of Whistler's mother wearing her prim little bonnet and sitting there at full alert. If Whistler had gotten out the paint set an hour earlier, when his dad was wired for fun and giving horsey rides around the kitchen, it would have been a totally different story.

Mothers have more than their share of environmental tributes as well: Mother Nature, Mother Earth, even the Sierra Madres. First thing tomorrow I'm writing my senator and demanding we rename the Catskills the Sierra Padres.

I'm sorry about all these inequities you dads have suffered. We'll try to even things out in the year to come. For now, why don't you forget about all these slights and injustices and just kick back and relax.

But, hey, would you mind opening this jar of pickles, setting up the badminton set and checking the burgers on the grill first? Thanks. You're a saint, dad, a real saint.

Enjoy this writer's work? Why not sign-up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids. To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

06/05/03: Good examples of bad parenting
05/23/03: Faulty equations on the love calculator
05/16/03: Busted for Oreos!
05/09/03: Mom plus shipping equals excitement
05/02/03: Mom shudders at thought of the m-a-l-l
04/21/03: Mother Confessions
04/11/03: Husband snoring: Hit or mist
04/04/03: Flip flops hashed at the lunch table
03/28/03: Bare facts on protesters
03/21/03: Madonna: Like an Author
03/17/03: Mom develops rapport with son's answering machine
03/07/03: The call for courage
02/28/03: My relationship with Mister Rogers
01/31/03: Mom pushes memories out the door
01/24/03: Picture this! Human 'beans'
01/10/03: Password, please!
12/31/02: Who it was a good year for
12/06/02: Radio show guarantees family-size audience
12/02/02: High-seas adventure would enlist few takers today
11/15/02: Frozen turkey makes cook chicken out
11/15/02: What's going on with "going out?"
11/01/02: The crazy mind of middle-age
10/25/02: Relationship rooted in willow talk
10/18/02: The challenge of being spontaneous
10/11/02: No wheels, no keys, no problem?
10/04/02: Lessons of a childhood survivor --- my children's
09/20/02: "Cutting the Cord" to the Tube
09/13/02: Over there
08/30/02: The Last One Left
08/23/02: Rare sighting made on the patio
08/16/02: Kids get reality paycheck
08/08/02: We look like this . . . no, Kidman!
08/02/02: We should be a nation of 'nuts'!
07/26/02: Hold your applause --- please!
07/19/02: Greed and Mints on the Pillows
07/12/02: Remodeling: Blueprint for Disaster
07/08/02: The Botox wrinkle
06/28/02: One perfect day
06/21/02: Flush with excitement
06/14/02: The Ways a Father Says "I Love You"
06/07/02: Garage Sale Treasures
05/31/02: No Pudgy Hour at the gym
05/19/02: Ozzy, if you come for dinner, bring change
05/19/02: Instant Messaging and LOL
05/10/02: Some mothers get something more
05/03/02: I Nudge, Therefore I Am
04/25/02: Motherhood is seasonal work
04/19/02: Paper trail to college
04/12/02: What to cook or not to cook
03/31/02: Mom and Dad Break Curfew
03/22/02: Introducing P.P.M. (Partners Per Month)
03/15/02: Birth of a Pothole
03/08/02: When Enron Momma gets mad
03/01/02: Little hope for bookaholic
02/22/02: Wrestling with prejudice
02/15/02: Say What?
02/08/02: Kitchen intelligence
02/01/02: Age-old words
01/25/02: Abortion: Switching Sides
01/18/02: Kids, take note
01/11/02: The heart-stopper e-mail
01/04/02: The slightly sunny side of 2001
12/28/01: The Way Things Work
11/30/01: The Leftover Shuffle begins
11/27/01: Glasses bring age into focus
11/16/01: A different portion of Thanks
11/09/01: The Next Stage of Parenting
11/01/01: Of boys and patriotism
10/26/01: College Son the Invisible Man
10/19/01: Out of the closet ... and into the school
10/12/01: A Parent's Guide to Dating
10/05/01: "Taking Care of You"
09/28/01: Time indivisible
09/24/01: Refueling capitalism
09/14/01: A time to mourn
09/07/01: Lack of modesty stirs the troops
08/31/01: Scholarship search an education
08/24/01: The test for parents
08/17/01: Immodest proposals
08/10/01: Trying to R-r-r-re-re-relax
08/03/01: It may be shabby and chic, but it ain't cheap
07/20/01: Bride showered with sage advice
07/13/01: Baby Bear Finds Driving "Just Right"
07/06/01: Pale at the Thought of Bronze
06/29/01: A Dog's Best Friend
06/22/01: Rethinking fatherhood
06/14/01 Don't forget to lock the door
06/07/01 How grandma punishes her kids
06/01/01 Hearing voices
05/25/01 Cyborgs for Better or Worse
05/18/01 The death of Common Sense

© 2001, Lori Borgman