AI is changing motherhood for the worse

But kids aren't the only ones affected by artificial intelligence. Mothers are, too.

The vast majority of parents — 81% — use AI for parenting support. I'm one of them. But as much as I appreciate AI managing my grocery list, I worry it could make parenting harder. When I asked Google's Gemini how AI might go about dismantling American motherhood, its answer rang eerily true: It warned that AI could encourage “hyper-individualized isolation,” intensify perfectionism, and make every parenting decision seem to carry a risk of “permanent, catastrophic consequences.”

As a mom of young kids, I've felt this personally. For example, I recently asked ChatGPT if it's good for my boys to share a bedroom. In the past, I would have turned to my sisters and friends, who would have shared their own experiences. But I no longer need to pick up the phone to get motherly advice. Within seconds, AI gave me a precise age range when sharing was supposedly beneficial — although it's unclear what evidence it was based on. Still, it's easy to see how this sort of instant advice could chip away at the peer-to-peer maternal networks that have historically supported mothers.

AI's responsiveness could also erode trust in maternal instincts. A survey by Lurie Children's Hospital of Chicago found that a third of parents admit to following AI-generated guidance for their children instead of their own instincts. As Dr. Dana Suskind warns in her new book, "Human Raised," maternal instinct has been honed over millennia and remains a core part of childrearing, while generative AI is new and often still hallucinates. Yet how quick we are to ascribe more authority to the latter!

Then there's the sense of uncertainty — or even doom — that AI feeds. The future is always unknown, but it feels especially so these days. Nearly half of moms expect AI will reduce their financial security and their children's. To the many questions weighing on parents, add: Will my kids have jobs in a post-AI world? How can I best prepare them when I'm new to this technology, too? All the way to: Do I need a pantry full of canned food and bottled water in case of an AI apocalypse?

This is to say nothing of the new monitoring burdens AI introduces, which disproportionately fall on mothers already knee-deep in checking iPads, smartphones and school-sponsored devices. Now add AI to the list. A recent survey by the research firm Count on Mothers found that most mothers are concerned about children's exposure to unsafe or inappropriate content (63%), confusion between human and AI-generated interactions (55%), and behavioral or social-emotional changes (51%). Only 8% of moms didn't think AI presented a risk.

And yet, in the absence of a policy fix — be it age limits on chatbots or school restrictions — moms are on their own to limit children's AI access. Because AI is integrated into search platforms and not contained in clearly identifiable apps like TikTok or YouTube, it's harder to track. And only a handful of school districts have restricted its use. No wonder most parents consistently underestimate their children's use of AI, according to Common Sense Media. Keeping track of all the pings, apps, alerts and devices feels more like an exercise in futility than digital management.

In other words, AI is taking an already intense period for childrearing and making it more so. I recently discussed this with Anne-Marie Slaughter, the incoming dean of the London School of Economics' School of Public Policy, and Richard Reeves, the president of the American Institute for Boys and Men. As Slaughter put it, “My mother's theory was benign neglect … and she raised three very successful children. But, I mean, I can't even imagine anybody saying that now.”

In our digital world, it's no longer possible.

AI has introduced a whole new era of mothering. To be sure, AI can ease some of the domestic drudgery and invisible labor borne by mothers — from making meal plans to managing schedules to remembering class parties. Sign me up for a robot to empty my dishwasher and fold laundry. And interestingly, most parents say that AI has made their jobs easier — even as they express significant concern about its impact on their children.

But there's a cost for mothers, too. The heightened anxieties, endless optimizations and ever-growing lists of things to monitor are ratcheting up the pressures of parenthood.

(COMMENT, BELOW)

Abby McCloskey is a columnist, podcast host, and consultant. She directed domestic policy on two presidential campaigns and was director of economic policy at the American Enterprise Institute.

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