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In 1732, Benjamin Franklin began publishing "Poor Richard's Almanack," which "contained the wisdom of many ages and nations," such as "it is hard for an empty sack to stand upright."
Brilliant! Profound! Yeah, I don't understand it either.
Probably due to the low level of literacy in the colonies, the almanac was a smash hit, selling better than "Twilight."
Franklin also had a newspaper, and he made good money by including free advice in it, too.
Will the editor of this newspaper include some free advice? I'll give them an inch of column space to pour out everything in their brain:
[blank space]
I could not have put it better myself.
Franklin refused to publish character assassinations in his newspaper, believing that spreading libel and abuse in the name of liberty of the press was disgraceful to the country.
I lament the loss of this practice. If our writers were polite and pleasant, perhaps there would be peace, and joy, and — no fun at all to read the news.
Over time, Franklin expanded his polite publications outside of Philadelphia. He sent a journeyman to Charleston, South Carolina, but the man proved so inept that he had to die to make the place profitable.
No, really. The journeyman's wife took over the accounts, and she did the job so admirably that the place established her family's fortune.
Her example made Franklin advocate all the stronger for female education, particularly in finance and writing.
I got a terrific education, but no fortune. I think I'd prefer it the other way around.
About this time, Franklin began attending services under the Reverend Samuel Hemphill, who was found to be a plagiarist. To my surprise, that is not a religious denomination.
Franklin plagiarized the heck out of anthologies to get materials for "Poor Richard's," but apparently, that was different. The poor preacher was run out of Philly.
Ben took his rising wealth as an opportunity to learn languages and became somewhat literate in French, Italian, Spanish, and Latin.
This allowed him to make fun of people in multiple languages. I can do that too. Si hoc interpretatus es, nimium temporis liberi habes. Am I right, or am I right?
Alas, tragedy struck, as tragedy so often does, in 1736. Benjamin and Deborah Franklin's young son, Francis Folger, died of smallpox.
Rumors swirled that the boy had died after being inoculated, a practice considered dangerous at the time. Franklin wrote repeatedly in favor of inoculation and with great regret that his son had contracted smallpox "in the common way."
Perhaps to deal with grief, Benjamin expanded his discussion club, the Junto.
There, young men could discuss the great issues of the day and share books. He encouraged its members to form their own clubs and spread the practice.
It was like a pyramid scheme, only ethical.
In 1736, Franklin entered public service when he was voted clerk of the General Assembly. This licensed him to print money (How wonderful. I wish I could do it legally), votes, and laws.
It also made him an enemy. An unnamed gentleman wanted another candidate to be clerk and, in 1737, spoke vehemently in the other man's favor. Franklin was chosen once again.
The gent was a powerful local politician. Ben took his own advice to heart and decided making friends with him would be better than continuing enemies.
So he asked to borrow a book.
The gent lent it. After about a week—who knows if he even read it—Franklin sent the book back with effusive praise for the owner's generosity.
The politician soon addressed Franklin "with great civility" and they became friends until the man died.
Franklin, fittingly, wrote a proverb about it: "He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged."
I could put it better. Ready for my completely original, not plagiarized wisdom?
Here it is: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
And with that, I'm off to start my own almanac.
Alexandra Paskhaver is a software engineer and writer. Both jobs require knowing where to stick semicolons, but she's never quite; figured; it; out.
Previously:
• The big cheese
• Promotions 101
• The graduate
• The best-laid plans
• Be like Homer Simpson
• 08/20/25: Acting out
• 06/23/25: All talked out
• 02/05/24: Dropping the ball
• 02/05/24: Eye eye, doctor
• 12/30/24: Bad music, cheap concerts, and all that jazz
• 12/04/24: No dollars and no sense
• 09/17/24: Gone crackers
• 09/12/24: A matter of manners
• 08/21/24: Keeping things simple --- is hard
• 08/13/24: DIY = 'Destroy It Yourself'
• 06/26/24: All in a day's work
• 05/23/24: The state of the art
• 05/16/24: Rounding one's corners
• 03/22/24: Gone loopy
• 03/05/24: Philosophy rocks