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There are no official rules for how to conduct yourself online.
In some ways, that's great. You do you and deal with the consequences, if any arise.
But sometimes the internet's anything-goes atmosphere can lead you into a mess you could have avoided. We can help. Here are nine maxims to live by as you post and chat online.
1. Don't overshare your kids
Give the children in your life the same agency you'd afford an adult.
The norms around sharing kid-related content online have shifted. We now know that once something is on the internet, it can be impossible to remove it, and that oversharing kids can be a form of exploitation or expose them to predators.
If you're going to share videos, photos or personal stories, get consent each time, starting at a young age. Default to posting privately instead of publicly, and use ephemeral options that are less likely to follow them around forever such as Instagram Stories, which disappear after 24 hours. If a child, teen or even young adult in your family asks you to remove content you've posted about them in the past, delete it without argument. Finally, if you do feel the need to post publicly, block or blur the child's face so they have privacy.
Maintain a distinction between your child's life and your own. They might look back with fondness at the slivers of their childhood you shared with your followers - or they could feel embarrassed or exploited. Some so-called child influencers are lobbying for stronger legal protection for minors whose families make money from social media. A New York Times investigation found that accounts showing young girls in bathing suits and leotards had large followings of adult men.
2. Only post what's yours to share
Don't post someone's newborn baby, wedding photo or divorce news before they can. Private moments and conversations should stay private unless the other person is okay with you sharing - and yes, this includes texts and DMs. "May I post this?" is your new mantra, even if it's your spouse, child or grandchild. When it comes to big life events, defer to the subject of your post. If you go to a wedding, ask the couple when and if they want photos posted online. If you take a picture where you look great and your friend less so, a quick "may I post?" goes a long way.
The same courtesy applies to strangers. A person existing in public doesn't constitute permission to post them. Nobody wants to step out the door worrying someone they don't know could blast their face to an online following. Sometimes when people behave badly, sharing some evidence can lead to consequences and accountability. That's a tough situation, and it's worth consulting someone you trust before you share a damning video or DM publicly.
3. Stay on topic in the comments
Public comments on social media posts are not the place to have a two-way conversation. Got a funny quip or compliment for the creator? Go for it. But don't try to strike up a conversation, tell them to call you back or ask if they're on Ozempic. Save it for a text, direct message or in-person interaction.
4. Post about your politics
We're done with the "no politics at the dinner table" approach to social media. If people avoid every topic that could ruffle feathers - politics, religion, money, etc. - we consign social media to reflect only the easy, shallow parts of being human.
Let your friends and family know where you stand, not just on national politics, but on local and international issues as well. Do research and share your thoughts in a respectful manner. Welcome corrections and conflicting opinions. Over time, you'll become better versed.
That said, remember that posting about a problem is not the same as doing something about it. Make sure your online opinions make their way to the real world, and put your time and money behind the causes you care about most.
5. Fact-check images and videos
If you do decide to share posts to back up your views, do it responsibly. Improvements to AI-generated images and video can make it tough to tell the real from the fake. Often, all it takes are a few seconds of critical thinking to figure out that the picture of a police dog clad in an American flag saving a baby from a rushing river isn't bona fide.
There are a few tricks for spotting AI-generated content - a computerized sheen, too many fingers. Better questions, perhaps, are "Does this seem realistic?" or "Is this designed to provoke a strong reaction?"
If a photo or video seems too good, too cute or too horrible to be true, it could be fake or misinformation. Slow down, check the original source and seek out additional content.
6. Don't overstep with influencers
Content creators choose to share their lives or work with the world, but they are not actually your friend (usually). They also aren't receptacles for your emotions or opinions. These nouveau celebrities don't owe you much of anything, so there's no sense in getting mean or demanding. If a creator says or does something you dislike, you can respond respectfully, stop following or block them. Feel free to disagree with them about political or other issues if they choose to discuss them, but it's rude to send comments or messages with unsolicited criticism or advice - say about parenting choices or that person's appearance.
7. Opt for deletion and ephemerality
Even as we get used to leaving traces of our lives online, an unflattering "digital footprint" can still cause problems. Colleges and employers check social media accounts for whatever they consider to be red flags. You can save yourself a headache by paring down the digital breadcrumbs you leave behind. Gen Z has already started moving in this direction, with some keeping their grids on Instagram completely blank.
On Facebook, you can manually delete posts or limit their audience. Instagram lets you hide posts without deleting them by choosing "archive." You can also post to stories instead of the main feed, as stories disappear after a day. For X, you can sign up for a service such as TweetDelete, which automatically deletes posts after a certain period of time. Threads head Adam Mosseri has said the app may introduce a built-in auto-delete feature.
8. Read the room
The internet has made us more aware of tragedies at home and across the globe, and the suffering can seem endless. You don't need to turn your profiles into news channels, but get a sense of the temperature before you post. A celebratory photo in the midst of a major disaster, especially one that's affecting your friends, can leave a bad taste. Also consider what's going on in your inner circle when sharing news, like announcing a pregnancy when someone you're close to is dealing with infertility.
9. Match your post to the platform
LinkedIn is for career updates. Facebook is for posting in groups, selling used bookshelves or sharing major life updates. Instagram is for beautiful scenery and vibes. X is for stream-of-consciousness commentary and arguing. TikTok is for strangers. Make sure your posts fit the platform you're on. (The emotional essays on LinkedIn are weird, sorry.)
If you're tired of sharing updates with your whole audience - including your grandma and that one guy you dated when you were 19 - you may benefit from a smaller platform. Instagram lets you build a "Close Friends" list and share directly with those users. A Discord chatroom, Substack newsletter or "finsta" (anonymous Instagram account) may be a better home for your musings and confessions than a public channel.
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