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Jewish World Review Dec. 15, 2000/ 18 Kislev, 5761

Jackie Mason & Raoul Felder

Jackie & Raul
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The Florida "mess" as a religious experience ... for some of us -- IF THE FLORIDA ELECTION MESS was the best thing for lawyers since the Magna Carta, or at least O.J. Simpson, as far as TV reporters are concerned this was the best thing to happen to them since Lee De Forest invented the Audion tube in 1907, thus making television possible. The hidden TV story, however, was a religious one: ninety thousand TV reporters getting on their knees every morning and thanking G-d that the election boiled down to a contest in Florida rather than Alaska.

On all the TV channels the audience was kept on pins and needles by continually be reminded, "It's not over until the fat lady sings." The only station that did not do this was CNN. A quick look at their correspondent Candy Crowley, who fills up the wide screen by just opening her mouth, made clear the reason for their reticence. And talk about screen fillers, Congressman Jerrold Nadler was able to save the talk shows from spending money on guests. When he pulled up a couple of chairs and sat down, there was little room for anybody else. Presumably, however, after the show was over he ate the desk, chairs, and the rest of the set for dessert.

Jesse Jackson went down to Florida and had a prayer meeting with a group of elderly Jews. Instead of praying for Al Gore's victory, they should have prayed to get their memories back. Jackson, who previously referred to Jews as "Hymies" and New York City as "Hymie Town," would have then had to pray to get out of the place in one piece. He must have been certain of how the Jews would react, otherwise he would not have risked what little credibility he has left on a visit with them.

Aside from the two certainties of life -- death and taxes -- if you are Jewish you can add a third: guilt. Jews seem to feel guilty for what happened to African-Americans in their slavery experience in this country a century and a half ago even though Jews were nowhere in the neighborhood at the time. One would be hard-pressed to remember any Jew giving them a business card and saying, "Here's my card. Give me a call at my plantation."

The truth is that at the same time blacks were enslaved in America, often sold into slavery by other blacks, the ancestors of most Jews now in America were themselves slaves. They were bound to the land as serfs, held to a cruel existence by East European overlords. Some broke loose, traveled to America, and begot future generations who, by dint of hard work and sacrifice, became successful. Success, in of itself is not enough to make one feel guilty. There needs to be someone who wants to put that burden on somebody else: who wants someone else to feel guilty because of their own misery or lack of success.

The Jews with all their complexes about success and wealth, and history of genocidal victimization, were easy victims. It takes a Jesse Jackson to be low enough to want to exploit people in this manner. The unfortunate thing is that, just as Jackson's ancestors were exploited by other people for economic reasons, Jackson is exploiting Jews for his own aggrandizement.

We wonder about all this talk of a "Supreme" Court. There is a Florida Supreme Court, a United States Supreme Court, and in the state of New York, the trial court is called "The Supreme Court". Why not just give them ratings like we do to boxers, tennis players or golfers. Then listening to the pundits we would know in an instant who was being spoken about. And also, what makes one set of judges any smarter than another? Why would one state supreme court be considered politically motivated as opposed to the United States Supreme Court which supposedly is not?

Could politics be any more obvious than what we saw happen in Congress during Supreme Court confirmation hearings. In the case of poor Clarence Thomas, it was reduced to who put what, where, with Anita Hill. If they wanted to find out what really happened they should have called in an expert in these things: Bill Clinton. At any rate, poor Thomas hasn't been the same since then, and apparently thinks that his job is done just by showing up. The last time he spoke was when he said, "Not Guilty" in Congress. Come to think of it, these might be the last words we hear Clinton say publicly.

JWR contributors Jackie Mason and Raoul Felder need no introduction. Comment on this column by clicking here.


11/20/00: Dailey deceptions
11/07/00: The art of lying
10/31/00: The only effective way to clean up American politics
10/24/00: PLEASE, Mr. Mugger
10/10/00: Lieber(al)man creates new Jewish denomination
10/03/00: Space invaders
09/12/00: A Delicatessen Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand (with apologies to A. Lincoln)
08/23/00: Life's certainties
07/31/00: AlGore needs a doctor --- badly!
07/03/00: Only a coincidence?
06/01/00: Can a liberal make sense?
06/02/00: Never give a GOPer a break
05/17/00: Computers, OY VEY!
05/02/00: Cuba si, Castro nu
04/17/00: Gen. Kennedy for Commander-in-Chief
04/06/00: Guns, hypocrisy and common sense
03/31/00: What's sleazier than a lawyer?
03/23/00: Clinton the 3-D Man
03/10/00: Politics or Pro Wrestling?
02/28/00: Free advice to the pundits: Get a life --- and new jobs
02/14/00: She Flunked!

© 2000, Jackie Mason & Raul Felder. This article first appeared in online edition of The American Spectator.