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Jewish World Review Dec. 18, 2000 / 21 Kislev, 5761

Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter
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Plus the sun was in his eyes -- IT WAS A NICE SPEECH, albeit five weeks late: "And I'd like to give a special thanks to all my supporters who worked so hard to steal the election in Florida, including David Boies, whom I'll never hire again even to wash my car."

And it was nice that the vice president did not actually morph into his "Saturday Night Live" caricature by prattling on about how he won the popular vote. Of course, he didn't need to be a gauche blowhard since various Democratic mouthpieces were gauche blowhards for him.

In its lead editorial the day of Gore's Better-Five-Weeks-Late-Than-Never speech, the New York Times twice claimed Al Gore was the popular vote champion -- and also won a rhumba contest at the Hotel Montenegro.

Most delusionally, the Newspaper Of Record claimed Gore was the winner "probably in Florida as well." But alas, "ballots that could have brought a different outcome went uncounted in Florida."

I ought to stop when I'm ahead, but for those Democrats who genuinely believe that Al Gore secretly beat George Bush in Florida -- there are competing arguments.

First, the well-belabored one: All the ballots were counted in Florida. And counted a second time. And then counted a third time in certain select Democrat bastions. The only ballots that weren't "counted" had already been counted three times without registering a vote. Al Gore was denied was yet a fourth try at bat for particular ballots that were, at best, cast improperly.

But whether or not you view the endless Florida recounts as a subterfuge for fraud, error and outright theft, that debate concerns only the Democrats' close calls -- not the Republicans' close calls. Republicans have their own separate and independent bones to pick with the Florida election unrelated to dimpled chads or stupid voters.

No one jawbones about them because Bush won. Losing a close election is like narrowly missing an airplane. You pace the airport thinking of all the things you could have done differently and made your flight. If only I hadn't hit the snooze button that last time, if I hadn't stopped for a doughnut, if the cabbie had taken a different route, if only I had won Tennessee ... But when you arrive just in time for a flight, you never muse about the various ways you could have been at the airport even earlier. It doesn't matter. You made your flight. Similarly, Bush won Florida. It doesn't matter if he can concoct some post-election stratagem for being credited with another 1,000 votes here or there.

Still, granting Gore his 9,000 indecipherable votes -- lock, stock and dimple -- Bush has his own recriminations about the Florida election.

First and most strikingly: The networks called Florida for Gore before the polls had closed. No one really talks about this since Bush caught his plane, but an early call is roundly acknowledged as a great way to suppress the vote for the purported loser.

Of the 379,000 votes that were cast in the (very Republican) western panhandle region of Florida affected by the incorrect call, 65 percent went for Bush. Comparing voting patterns throughout the state in the last four presidential elections, economist John Lott determined that the Republican voting rate in the panhandle this year was suppressed by about 4 percent compared to the Democrat voting rate.

That alone adds up to another 10,000 votes for George Bush.

Another doughnut that slowed down Bush was the high rate of felons voting illegally in the Sunshine State this year. In a review of half a million ballots cast in 12 counties, The Miami Herald turned up 445 Florida felons who voted illegally, including 62 robbers, 56 drug dealers, 45 killers, 16 rapists, seven kidnappers, and at least two voters whose mugs grace the state's online registry of sexual offenders.

Seventy-five percent of the voter/felons unearthed were registered Democrats(!). If that sample is representative -- and 8 percent of all Florida voters is a lot more representative than the average Gallup poll -- about 5,000 felons voted illegally in Florida's election this year. Had those votes been excluded in a post-election contest -- which is, incidentally, the purpose of a post-election contest -- Bush would have netted another 2,500-vote advantage.

Exclude all the crooks from the Florida election, and Bush won by 13,430 votes -- more than all the dimpled chads in the Florida Supreme Court's fantasies.

JWR contributor Ann Coulter is the author of High Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Case Against Bill Clinton. You may visit the Ann Coulter Fan Club by clicking here.


12/14/00: My Court is bigger than your Court
12/11/00: HANG IN THERE, AL!
12/07/00: National Lampoon's Florida Supreme Court Vacation
12/04/00: It's past time for GOPers to quit being good at losing
11/30/00: Things only a Dem will say with a straight face
11/27/00: Certify the electors, then the judges
11/23/00: Kangaroo coup
11/20/00: This is what the Electoral College is supposed to prevent
11/16/00: The liar next time
11/09/00: JUST GO!
11/06/00: Hail Mary past
11/02/00: As the nose grows: The scripture according to Gore
10/30/00: Clinton sure can pick 'em
10/26/00: Gore's 'Nam flashbacks
10/23/00: Courting George Orwell
10/20/00: The three faces of Al
10/17/00: Must Christian conservatives be fascists?
10/13/00: Oil good; Dems bad
10/10/00: Al Gore: Serial fibber
10/06/00: Sigh of the crook
10/03/00: So who's the 'dumb guy' now?
09/29/00: Don't do drug legalization
09/26/00: I'd burn down my neighbor's house
09/22/00: Democrats worship the money shot
09/19/00: Other film footage we'd like to see
09/15/00: Bush can name the **^%*
09/12/00: The Supreme Court ratchet
09/08/00: Our mistake -- keep polluting
09/05/00: Bubba protects and serves
09/01/00: AlGore's 'going out of business!' tax plan
08/29/00: Bush's compassionate conservatism
08/25/00: Space alien tells funny jokes in bathtub
08/22/00: Dems view world only in black and white, not in color
08/18/00: Another Damascus Road conversion
08/15/00: The viagra cotillion
08/11/00: The hand-wringing Hamlet from Hartford
08/07/00: The Democratic party's white face
08/04/00: Hillary's potty mouth
08/01/00: The hole in the story
07/28/00: Cheney's detractors can't get their story straight
07/25/00: AlGore: Elmer Blandry
07/21/00: The tyranny of non-objectivity
07/18/00: The state's religion
07/14/00: Reform it back
07/11/00: Keating for veep
07/07/00: Gore invented 'Clueless'
07/04/00: The stupidity litmus test
06/30/00: O.J. was 'proved innocent' too
06/27/00: The last guys 'proved innocent'
06/23/00: Serious Republican candidates don't get serious press
06/19/00: They weren't overzealous this time
06/16/00: Evolution of the strumpet
06/13/00: Actual journalistic malpractice
06/09/00: I did not have sexual
relations with that ... man!
06/06/00: IRS turns Bubba's screw
05/30/00: Too corrupt to be an Arkansas lawyer
05/26/00: Choose liberalism
05/24/00: Violence against coherence
05/22/00: Developmentally disabled Republicans
05/16/00: For womb the bell tolls
05/12/00: Asylum from Georgetown
05/10/00: The truth is out there, even for the clueless
05/08/00: Barbie is a liberal Democrat
05/02/00: Moving the goalpost
04/28/00: The bastardization of justice
04/25/00: How Monica Lewinsky saved the constitution
04/24/00: It's sunny today, so we need gun control
04/19/00: No shadow of a doubt -- liberal women are worthless
04/14/00: It takes a Communist dictator to raise a child
04/11/00: The verdict is in on Hillary
04/07/00: Vast Concoctions III
04/04/00: 'Horrifying' free speech in New York
03/31/00: Check-Off Box For Pimp Suits
03/28/00: All the news that fits -- we print!
03/24/00: Net losses all around
03/20/00: To protect, serve --- and be spat on
03/16/00: Thank Heaven for the consigliere
03/13/00: Vast concoctions II
03/09/00: The bluebloods voted against you
03/07/00: The Tower of Babble
03/03/00: Vast concoction
03/02/00: Hillary's sartorial lies
02/28/00: You have to break a few eggs to make a joke
02/22/00: I've seen enough killing to support abortion
02/18/00: A liberal lynching
02/15/00: McCain and the flag
02/11/00: The Shakedown Express
02/08/00: To mock a mockingbird
02/05/00: Summing up Campaign 2000: 'Oh, puh-leeze!'
02/01/00: A Confederacy of Dunces
01/28/00: Dollar Bill's racist smear
01/24/00: How high is your freedom quotient?
01/21/00: Numismadness
01/18/00: How dare you attack my wife!
01/14/00: The Gore Buggernaut
01/10/00: The paradox of discrimination law

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