Clicking on banner ads enables JWR to constantly improve
Jewish World Review Nov. 2, 2000 / 3 Mar-Cheshvan, 5761

Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Debbie Schlussel
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

As the nose grows: The scripture according to Gore -- since almost no one these days -- no politician, certainly -- admits to being an atheist, Vice President Al Gore is about as close as you're going to get. He says he has his "own way" of interpreting the Bible, much like he has his own way of interpreting his role in "Love Story."

In Gore's view, the Bible inveighs against global warming and the internal combustion engine, but has nothing of any relevance to say on the matter of sucking a baby's brains out.

Gore's religious beliefs -- or "faith traditions," as nonbelievers like Gore refer to their quaint tribal superstitions -- remind one of G.K. Chesterton's observation that when a man ceases to believe in G-d, it's not that he believes nothing, it's that he will believe anything.

Among his other loopy interpretations, Gore claims the story of Cain and Abel is a parable about the dangers of pollution. Not original sin, not murder, not envy: pollution. "Indeed," he writes in his magnum opus, "Earth in the Balance," "the first instance of 'pollution' in the Bible occurs when Cain slays Abel."

According to Gore, G-d was hopping mad about Cain polluting. Cain had "defiled the ground" with Abel's messy blood. Murder is one thing, but polluting with Abel's blood was what really got G-d's goat.

When pressed to expand upon on this singular interpretation of the Cain and Abel story, Gore explained that G-d's original rebuff of Cain's offering of the fruit of the ground (which set off Cain's murderous jealousy -- and the first recorded case of pollution) was simply "a metaphorical reference to the move from a herding to an agricultural economy."

I don't know. G-d works in mysterious ways and all, but His rejection of agriculture products as an offering doesn't seem like the most lucid manner of promoting an agricultural economy.

In the second debate, Gore segued directly from global warming to Scripture: "In my faith tradition, it's written in the book of Matthew, where your heart is, there is your treasure also. And I believe that we ought to recognize the value to our children and grandchildren of taking steps that preserve the environment in a way that's good for them."

Point one: My "faith tradition"?

"Faith tradition" is a nothing but a PC phrase for a religion you were brought up in and that voters have heard about but that you don't actually, technically speaking, in the narrow sense, believe.

Among other things, you do not believe: (1) the weird supernatural stuff; (2) anything that contradicts the platform of the Democratic Party or the National Organization for Women; or (3) anything that might offend someone of another "faith tradition," let alone of another actual faith, like the parts of your faith tradition that assert that the others are wrong (e.g., the carpenter was the Messiah and, no, Mohammed was not his successor).

Point two: The book of Matthew emphatically does not say, "Where your heart is, there is your treasure also." The vice president's bungling misquote doesn't just reverse words, but completely reverses Christ's meaning. By suggesting we make the environment our "treasure," Gore turns a deeply Christian belief into a brazenly anti-Christian declaration.

Christ's real quote comes in the middle of a chapter warning that man "cannot serve G-dd and mammon."

(On a side note, this is also the chapter in which Christ warns us to "be not as the hypocrites" and to fast and pray only "unto thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly." What did Gore say about the guy who used to march off to church every Sunday toting that ludicrous 5-pound Bible just before dashing back to the Oval Office to engage in sodomic acts with a cigar? One of America's "greatest presidents," wasn't it?)

In any event, Christ is commanding us to abjure "treasure upon Earth," and instead to build "treasures in heaven." So when Christ says, "Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also," it's an admonition that if your treasure is anyplace but with G-d, then your heart cannot be with G-d (and you'll burn in hell). To mangle Christ's quote into this -- "where your heart is, there is your treasure also" -- and suggesting that the environment should be our treasure is not just stupid, it's aggressively anti-Christian.

Gore's rendition sounds like some inspirational saying a guidance counselor might put on his office wall: "If you love soccer, follow your heart! ... Where your heart is, there your treasure shall be! ... Go for it!" Christ's whole point was that if your heart is with soccer (the environment, mammon, whatever) and not with Him, you're going to burn in hell.

That ought to get Gore's attention. All that burning probably causes pollution.

JWR contributor Ann Coulter is the author of High Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Case Against Bill Clinton. You may visit the Ann Coulter Fan Club by clicking here.


10/30/00: Clinton sure can pick 'em
10/26/00: Gore's 'Nam flashbacks
10/23/00: Courting George Orwell
10/20/00: The three faces of Al
10/17/00: Must Christian conservatives be fascists?
10/13/00: Oil good; Dems bad
10/10/00: Al Gore: Serial fibber
10/06/00: Sigh of the crook
10/03/00: So who's the 'dumb guy' now?
09/29/00: Don't do drug legalization
09/26/00: I'd burn down my neighbor's house
09/22/00: Democrats worship the money shot
09/19/00: Other film footage we'd like to see
09/15/00: Bush can name the **^%*
09/12/00: The Supreme Court ratchet
09/08/00: Our mistake -- keep polluting
09/05/00: Bubba protects and serves
09/01/00: AlGore's 'going out of business!' tax plan
08/29/00: Bush's compassionate conservatism
08/25/00: Space alien tells funny jokes in bathtub
08/22/00: Dems view world only in black and white, not in color
08/18/00: Another Damascus Road conversion
08/15/00: The viagra cotillion
08/11/00: The hand-wringing Hamlet from Hartford
08/07/00: The Democratic party's white face
08/04/00: Hillary's potty mouth
08/01/00: The hole in the story
07/28/00: Cheney's detractors can't get their story straight
07/25/00: AlGore: Elmer Blandry
07/21/00: The tyranny of non-objectivity
07/18/00: The state's religion
07/14/00: Reform it back
07/11/00: Keating for veep
07/07/00: Gore invented 'Clueless'
07/04/00: The stupidity litmus test
06/30/00: O.J. was 'proved innocent' too
06/27/00: The last guys 'proved innocent'
06/23/00: Serious Republican candidates don't get serious press
06/19/00: They weren't overzealous this time
06/16/00: Evolution of the strumpet
06/13/00: Actual journalistic malpractice
06/09/00: I did not have sexual
relations with that ... man!
06/06/00: IRS turns Bubba's screw
05/30/00: Too corrupt to be an Arkansas lawyer
05/26/00: Choose liberalism
05/24/00: Violence against coherence
05/22/00: Developmentally disabled Republicans
05/16/00: For womb the bell tolls
05/12/00: Asylum from Georgetown
05/10/00: The truth is out there, even for the clueless
05/08/00: Barbie is a liberal Democrat
05/02/00: Moving the goalpost
04/28/00: The bastardization of justice
04/25/00: How Monica Lewinsky saved the constitution
04/24/00: It's sunny today, so we need gun control
04/19/00: No shadow of a doubt -- liberal women are worthless
04/14/00: It takes a Communist dictator to raise a child
04/11/00: The verdict is in on Hillary
04/07/00: Vast Concoctions III
04/04/00: 'Horrifying' free speech in New York
03/31/00: Check-Off Box For Pimp Suits
03/28/00: All the news that fits -- we print!
03/24/00: Net losses all around
03/20/00: To protect, serve --- and be spat on
03/16/00: Thank Heaven for the consigliere
03/13/00: Vast concoctions II
03/09/00: The bluebloods voted against you
03/07/00: The Tower of Babble
03/03/00: Vast concoction
03/02/00: Hillary's sartorial lies
02/28/00: You have to break a few eggs to make a joke
02/22/00: I've seen enough killing to support abortion
02/18/00: A liberal lynching
02/15/00: McCain and the flag
02/11/00: The Shakedown Express
02/08/00: To mock a mockingbird
02/05/00: Summing up Campaign 2000: 'Oh, puh-leeze!'
02/01/00: A Confederacy of Dunces
01/28/00: Dollar Bill's racist smear
01/24/00: How high is your freedom quotient?
01/21/00: Numismadness
01/18/00: How dare you attack my wife!
01/14/00: The Gore Buggernaut
01/10/00: The paradox of discrimination law

© 2000, UPS