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Jewish World Review May 22, 2000 / 17 Iyar, 5760

Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter
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Developmentally disabled Republicans -- QUESTION: Why doesn't the diversity crowd ever give the Republican Party credit for placing developmentally disabled persons in a substantial majority of its leadership positions?

Whenever Republicans get a Clinton in their sights (through no daring feats or hard work of their own, I might add), they immediately proceed to shoot themselves in the foot. When impeachment was delivered to the Republican Congress on a silver platter, first Newt Gingrich, and then his designated replacement, Bob Livingstone, had to resign. Both turned out to be committed adulterers (though Gingrich's adultery was not made public for another year).

This year, history called on New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani to consummate a great and noble thing: the defeat of Hillary Clinton for Senate. But now it turns out he's frittered away the opportunity by chasing tail, too. Recently the mayor's wife, Donna Hanover, held a press conference in which she tearfully confirmed longstanding rumors, accusing the mayor's former communications director, Cristyne Lategano, and the mayor's "very good friend," Judith Nathan, of having affairs with her husband. (The names were provided later by Hanover's press secretary.)

The mayor and "Cristyne" didn't leave much room for doubt, allowing Ms. Hanover's allegations to hang in the air without objection until -- finally -- days later, Cristyne managed to cough up a second statement in which she did deny an affair. "Judi" has spent 10 months aggressively insinuating her relationship with the mayor on a disbelieving press.

There is always the illusion that a politician's affairs are hydraulic, explosive things set off by the tinder of power. But really, the most salient feature of all these sexual liaisons is the fact that men poised to engage in great acts are instead wasting their time on something so petty. One divorce is probably pretty bad, but to do it again and again -- and to sacrifice your moment in the sun because you had to do it again and again -- is just pathetic.

In a related field (in terms of personality disorders), Hollywood has been requiring its up-and-coming actresses to disrobe on camera for well more than a decade now. I mention this only to note that the famous film critic John Simon responded to the incessant flow of nude scenes by reviewing the starlets' naked bodies, a practice that supposedly led one actress to
A shmuck in more ways than one
throw a drink in his face. (Simon has written, for example: "Is it in her contract that every film she appears in must feature that wretched bosom of hers?" and "She is rather swaybacked and has breasts lacking in absolute firmness.")

Similarly, it seems to me that once a woman puts her sexual attractiveness at issue by, for example, competing sexually for the husbands of other women, she's made her relative pulchritude fair game.

Indeed, it is impossible to comprehend why some Republicans are still defending Giuliani's honor without taking note of how homely his mistresses are. The prevailing sentiment seems to be that no man would voluntarily have affairs with the likes of either Cristyne or Judi without being driven to it by his wife. (Inasmuch as we are dealing with a man who finds partial-birth abortion acceptable, I am leaving morality completely out of this.)

On every possible scale -- body, face, youthful appearance, accomplishments, style, pedigree, IQ -- Giuliani's wife is several orders of magnitude superior to his apparent mistresses. His latest acquisition is even more squat and frumpy than the last consort. (And not to be outdone by Cristyne, Ms. Nathan also employs an innovative spelling for her name -- "Judi," presumably dotting the "i" with a heart. You are basically condemning your daughter to be some man's mistress if you don't spell her name right.)

Cristyne's only accomplishments, such as they are, all came to her from the man she is accused -- by the man's wife, no less -- of sleeping with. (Cristyne is currently president of the New York City Visitors Bureau, a $150,000-a-year political patronage position.) Judi is not a college graduate. Meanwhile, the old ball and chain is a graduate of Stanford University and the Columbia School of Journalism -- and a very pretty actress and journalist. She married the boob when he was a little-known prosecutor and she was a already successful television personality.

Rudy is not behaving rationally, even for a pig. It just doesn't make sense purely as a matter of aesthetics and geometry. Normally, you trade up. Giuliani keeps dropping two or three floors in his choice of consorts.

Far be it from me to quibble with a political party that holds government service in such complete contempt. No need to be wasting talent on government work. But can't the Republican Party at least produce politicians who are not forever wetting themselves in public?

JWR contributor Ann Coulter is the author of High Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Case Against Bill Clinton.


05/16/00: For womb the bell tolls
05/12/00: Asylum from Georgetown
05/10/00: The truth is out there, even for the clueless
05/08/00: Barbie is a liberal Democrat
05/02/00: Moving the goalpost
04/28/00: The bastardization of justice
04/25/00: How Monica Lewinsky saved the constitution
04/24/00: It's sunny today, so we need gun control
04/19/00: No shadow of a doubt -- liberal women are worthless
04/14/00: It takes a Communist dictator to raise a child
04/11/00: The verdict is in on Hillary
04/07/00: Vast Concoctions III
04/04/00: 'Horrifying' free speech in New York
03/31/00: Campaign finance reform brings out worst in senators
03/28/00: All the news that fits -- we print!
03/24/00: Net losses all around
03/20/00: To protect, serve --- and be spat on
03/16/00: Thank Heaven for the consigliere
03/13/00: Vast concoctions II
03/09/00: The bluebloods voted against you
03/07/00: The Tower of Babble
03/03/00: Vast concoction
03/02/00: Hillary's sartorial lies
02/28/00: You have to break a few eggs to make a joke
02/22/00: I've seen enough killing to support abortion
02/18/00: A liberal lynching
02/15/00: McCain and the flag
02/11/00: The Shakedown Express
02/08/00: To mock a mockingbird
02/05/00: Summing up Campaign 2000: 'Oh, puh-leeze!'
02/01/00: A Confederacy of Dunces
01/28/00: Dollar Bill's racist smear
01/24/00: How high is your freedom quotient?
01/21/00: Numismadness
01/18/00: How dare you attack my wife!
01/14/00: The Gore Buggernaut
01/10/00: The paradox of discrimination law

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