Jewish World Review May 8, 2000 / 3 Iyar, 5760
Bob Greene
`Excuse me, but there
seems to be something
in my water'
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
CALIFORNIA, WE HAVE LONG BEEN TOLD, is the place
where America's trends are born. The way we live
is determined there -- things that seem odd and
cutting-edge take root in California, then slowly
work their way to the rest of us. By the time we're
ready for them, they don't seem so odd anymore.
But I'm willing to go on record: This new
toilet-to-tap-water idea that is beginning in
California right now will never catch on anywhere
else. There is no way in the world that the rest of
the country will ever buy into this.
You may have heard about it (if you haven't, you're
lucky):
Sewage water flushed down the toilets of residents
of California's San Fernando Valley will, under the
plan, be sanitized -- and then end up as drinking
water that comes out of faucets of people in the
Los Angeles area.
This is all being done is the name of environmental
concerns and ecological benefits.
The purification of the water flushed down toilets
reportedly takes five years. By the time people
drink it, it allegedly will be just fine -- tasty and
clean.
Yet -- as Lori Dinkin, president of the Valley
Village Homeowners Association, told the Los
Angeles Daily News -- "This is human waste. I'm
very uneasy about that."
Indeed. Environmental groups have said that this
toilet-to-tap-water method will assure that the Los
Angeles area will not have to depend on water
pumped in from other parts of the state, and that by
drinking cleaned-up toilet water, residents will be
doing something that "is less destructive to wildlife
habitats in Northern California and along the
Colorado River."
Which is all very praiseworthy -- wildlife habitats
should be preserved and protected whenever
possible -- but if it means telling people that the
water they are gulping down is water that, five
years before, was flushed from the toilets of
strangers. . . .
Well, you'd think that political realities alone would
kill this plan before it even gets started.
It would be the dream position for any California
politician to be able to take: He or she could face
the electorate, and, in speeches and radio and
television commercials, say about the incumbent:
"Friends, may I remind you that during my
opponent's administration, you were told that you
must drink water that was flushed from other
people's toilets."
You would think that there might be a 100 percent
turnover in the California political structure. Out
would go every elected official who was in office
when the toilet-to-tap-water plan took effect; in
would come every candidate who would tell voters
that he or she is disgusted by the very idea.
The subject of water -- where it comes from, how
it is paid for -- is a complicated one, and it is one
that citizens prefer not to have to think about too
much (and, in fact, virtually all tap water is recycled
in one way or another). Twenty-five years ago, you
never would have guessed that Americans would
willingly pay for bottles of water to drink, the same
way they pay for soda pop; now it is so common
that even McDonald's sells water in bottles, and
people seem convinced that if they are swigging
down a bottle of water they have paid for, it is
fresher and tastier than what they might get from
the tap. (They make this assumption even though
they usually have no idea where the bottled water
came from, and how long it has been sitting around
some warehouse, or in the hold of some ship on its
way to the United States from Europe.)
This California plan, though . . . you would think
that someone in authority would have overruled the
scientists. Obviously the scientific experts believe
with complete confidence that, in the five-year
cleaning program, water flushed from toilets can be
so thoroughly purified and sanitized that there is no
chance at all for any problems.
Still . . . someone should have sat down with them
and said:
"How do you think people are going to react when
we tell them: `Drink this water. Someone went to
the bathroom in it and flushed it down the toilet five
years ago, but this should not concern you at all.
We can vouch for the goodness of this former toilet
water -- after all, we're the government. Trust us
on this.'"
No, whatever happens with the toilet-to-tap-water
plan in California, you can assume that this is one
trend that will never make it past that state's
borders. All around the United States, politicians
are polishing their campaign slogans for every
election year in the century ahead:
"Vote for me -- and I'll never make you drink from
the
toilet."
JWR contributor Bob Greene is a novelist and columnist. Send your comments to him by clicking here.
05/05/00: When your first dream turns out to be your best dream
05/04/00: Even baseball couldn't make light of this superstition
05/03/00: The ringmaster who looks back from your mirror
05/02/00: There they go, just a-yappin' down the street . . .
05/01/00: You must remember this (Unless you don't)
04/24/00: Now that casino ads are allowed to tell the truth . . .
04/13/00: The man in the seat across the airplane aisle
04/11/00: A star is born, but do you know where it's @?
04/06/00: Through the eyes of Norman Rockwell
03/21/00: 10 good reasons to avoid making this list
03/21/00: 'I tell myself that they've gone on vacation'
03/21/00: Monday Night Football memories
03/02/00: This report card deserves an 'A' in every subject
02/29/00: What really happened on New Year's eve
02/23/00: Of paste pots, Denver sandwiches and finding Dr. Sam
02/17/00: What would you like to stay exactly the same?
02/04/00: Politics: When did the stagehands step onto the stage?
02/01/00: An awesome idea to make you sound better
01/26/00: Y3K already? We haven't yet recovered from Y2K
01/21/00: Watching the pot that always boils
01/19/00:The story behind the men on the museum steps
01/13/00: Here's to the students who never hear a cheer
01/11/00: The oh-so-sweet sound of modems in the morning
01/04/00: The person in your mirror just got wiser
12/31/99: A lesson -- and a memory -- to last a millennium
12/29/99: Racing the clock, even when it's running backwards
12/13/99: The right to bear coffee
12/08/99: From teen idol to ink-stained wretch: Can you Dig it?
12/02/99: Human 'search engines'
11/30/99: Here's looking at you -- now hand over the cash
11/23/99: Who'll say 'I'm sorry' to the other Decatur students?
11/18/99: "From bad things, good can come"
11/16/99: The man who didn't know the meaning of 'whatever'
11/12/99: Is this progress? We have made the weekend obsolete
11/09/99: Today he would probably be called Kyle Kramden
11/04/99: And you thought the IRS was heartless
11/02/99: When it's free, what will the real price be?
10/29/99: The tissue-thin decisions that define who we are
10/26/99: One way to cut road rage down to size
10/22/99: Asking all the right questions takes a special pitch
10/18/99: The signs are talking to you; Are you listening?
10/12/99: Even Capone would be disgusted
10/08/99: Don't ever look your neighborhood bear in the eye
10/06/99: Land of the free and marketplace of the brave
10/04/99: German warplanes in
American skies
09/30/99: While you fret, something is sneaking up on you
09/28/99: In these busy times, why not bring back a certain buzz?
09/24/99: The storms whose paths no one can track
09/21/99: Who's minding the store? Oh . . . never mind
09/17/99:Here's another place where you can't smoke
09/14/99: As certainly as `lovely Rita' follows `when I'm 64' . . .
09/09/99: Why is patience no longer a virtue?
09/07/99: Once upon a time, in an airport close to you . . .
09/03/99: The answers? They are right in front of us
09/01/99: Up the creek with a paddle--and cussing up a storm
08/30/99: $1 Million Question: How'd we get to be so stup-d?
08/27/99: Fun and games at Camp Umbilical Cord
08/25/99: How life has been changed by the woodpecker effect
08/23/99: If you don't like this story, blame the robot who wrote it
08/20/99: A four-letter word that has helped both Bob and Rhonda
08/18/99: They have picked the wrong country
08/16/99: From paperboy to stalker--how the news has changed
08/12/99: Why wasn't anyone watching his brothers?
08/10/99: Come to think of it, stars seldom are the retiring type
08/05/99: The national gaper's block is always jammed
07/29/99: 'Can you imagine the gift you gave me?'
07/27/99: A view to a kill -- but is this really necessary?
07/23/99: Some cream and sugar with your turbulence?
07/21/99: When your name is JFK jr., how do you choose to use it?
07/19/99: The real world is declared not real enough
07/15/99: The real victims of cruel and unusual punishment
07/13/99: A 21st Century idea for schools: log off and learn
07/09/99: Are life's sweetest mysteries still around the bend?
07/07/99: Of great minds, cream cheese and Freddy Cannon
07/02/99: The perfect spokesman for the American way
06/30/99: 'He's 9 years old . . . he trusts people'
06/28/99: A $581 million jackpot in the courthouse casino
06/25/99: A nighttime walk to a House that feels like a cage
06/23/99: At least give men credit for being more morose
06/18/99: On Father's Day, a few words about mothers
06/16/99: If work is a dance, how's
your partner doing?
06/14/99: Should a dictionary ever tell you to keep quiet?
06/10/99: A story of Sex, the SuperBowl and your wife
06/07/99: Take a guess where "California Sun" is from
06/03/99: Of summer days, summer nights and pebbles in a jar
06/01/99: Putting your money where their mouths are
05/27/99: Pressed between wooden covers, the summer of her life
05/25/99:The lingering song of a certain summer
05/24/99:We could all use a return to the Buddy system
05/20/99: Now, this is enough to make James Bond double-0 depressed
05/17/99: It's midnight -- do you know where your parents are?
05/13/99: And now even saying "thank you" creates a problem
05/11/99: The answer was standing at the front door
©1999, Tribune Media Services
|